Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a philosophy of life and the original formulation of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). It is the form of CBT I choose to practice because of its distinct strengths and emphases. REBT’s primary focus is to help people reduce emotional disturbance in the face of adversity. A close second aim is to help people maximize the pleasure and personal meaning they experience.
Life is A Balancing Act Between Pleasure Now or Later
Dr. Albert Ellis, the originator of REBT, encouraged people to use REBT’s strategies to help maximize pleasure and minimize pain in the long run by tolerating inconvenience, discomfort, or even pain in the short run. Consistently doing what is best over the long run is challenging. We are flawed humans. Fallible humans, even the most disciplined, will be tempted to overlook the long-run consequences of their decisions and yield to their short-term urges at least some of the time. If one always chooses to do what is best in the long run, they will likely have a great deal of meaningful achievement but little fun and pleasure. Alternatively, suppose someone consistently does what is pleasurable in the short run. In that case, they will likely have fun and short-term pleasure in abundance but less meaningful achievement and the more profound satisfaction and meaning that follows from such achievement. This latter approach will likely lead to more pain in the long run. Therefore, life is a balancing act, a challenging one at that. We certainly do not want to only live for the future. REBT is about living to maximize pleasure and meaning throughout one’s life. On the other hand, we had better not live only for today and tonight! In REBT, we encourage what Ellis called long-term hedonism.
Humans are Fallible and Fall Prey to Short-term Hedonism
REBT is both very valuable and challenging because we are imperfect. If we were not so imperfect, there would be little need for a system of ideas like REBT and little need to cultivate self-discipline and emotion regulation skills. Humans face a great adversary – their tendency to defeat themselves. One way that our fallibility expresses itself is through our inclination towards short-term hedonism. Humans are predisposed to short-term hedonism, with some humans being more inclined biologically than others.
Successful long-term hedonism requires you to accept and learn how to delay immediate gratification and cultivate the capacity to tolerate inconvenience in the short run to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. Ellis argued that biological variability exists, between people, in our predisposition to think and live rationally. However, this does not mean that those who have more of an inclination to think and live irrationally cannot do better. They must work harder to cultivate the capacity to think and live rationally than others. None of us have it easy. We all are highly flawed. Some may have a more challenging time doing the better thing, but REBT does encourage them to remain hopeful. Diligent effort using REBT produces therapeutic change regardless of how inclined a person may be to indulge in irrational thinking and behavior.
Humans Have a Tendency to Turn A Good Thing into A Bad Thing
Note that sooner or later, it is the time to relax and enjoy life. If you choose to forgo this experience of pleasure, in a sense, you are failing to do what is best in the long run. Being too strict with ourselves is probably not best in the long run either, as we could have regrets on our deathbed that we did not enjoy our lives. Likewise, not having self-discipline and investing in the future could lead to having different deathbed regrets. Life is not cut and dried; it is a constant balancing act with much uncertainty. REBT is here to help!
Initiating and Terminating Behavior Requires Effort
People are creatures of habit. Ellis taught that once we get in a healthy groove, we will be inclined to continue on that track. Starting a good and healthy action that will pay dividends, in the long run, takes effort, which fallible humans will often be disinclined to do. Once you make that effort, you must guard against turning a good strategy into a bad one. Sometimes once we mustered the effort to start doing a particular long-term oriented behavior, terminating the behavior may require a different form of struggle and tolerance of uncertainty. Think of the person dieting who adopts a healthy diet of lean protein and high fiber (i.e., vegetables, fruits, and nuts) wishing to lose weight. They likely lose some weight, and their blood chemistries improve. Once they get on this healthy eating regimen, some people may need help being flexible in what they eat for fear of not getting back on track after a treat meal that was not low in fat with lean protein (think hamburgers and ice cream). However, striving to adhere perfectly to their healthy diet could backfire on them in the long run. They are between a rock and a hard place.
On the one hand, they may fear losing their healthy eating streak. They may fear being unable to resume the effort required for a healthy diet once they have deviated from their ideal. One needs a tolerance for the effort required for healthy moderation. What REBT calls discomfort tolerance works in two directions, starting a healthy behavior and temporarily stopping the same “good” behavior to achieve sensible moderation. REBT’s concept of discomfort tolerance is a complex idea that applies to different states of mind, emotions, behaviors, and contexts.
Healthy Attitudes for Starting and Stopping Behavior When It is Best To Do So
Here are some self-helping attitudes that will lead to using REBT’s concept of discomfort tolerance in the best way possible:
- It is the right time to start this behavior. Starting now will produce the best consequences for me in the middle and long run. Although it is hard to initiate this behavior now, it is not too hard, not unbearable. I commit to action now. I will do so because it is worth it.
- It is the right time to stop this behavior. Quitting for the day now will produce the best consequences for me in the middle and long run. Although I am disinclined to terminate this momentum, it is not too hard, not unbearable. I commit to stopping now. I will stop now because it is well worth it.
- Resuming this healthy behavior tomorrow will be hard, but not too hard. People are creatures of habit, and I can learn to start and stop behavior when it is best. Self-control is my goal here, and it takes practice. This kind of self-control is well worth it. What good would a car be if once it was rolling, it could not stop and then start moving again on command? Like a car, people are most effective when they can start and stop at just the right time.
- I do not have to have certainty that when it is healthy for me to deviate temporarily from a streak of self-discipline, I will easily resume self-disciplined activity the next day. Exercising good judgment when it is time to start and stop a particular behavior takes work and practice. The self-discipline that is all or nothing is not healthy nor the best form of self-discipline. I will keep at the art of healthy self-regulation. Practice makes better.
- Record keeping that is not too detailed and burdensome can help with healthy self-regulation. Keep a quick and accurate record of the behavior or a proxy for that behavior you wish to learn to do in moderation. For example, research shows that people who weigh themselves daily gain less weight over a lifetime than people who fail to do this. Daily record keeping of one’s weight is a proxy for counting and recording calories which can be very taxing and something you may have difficulty continuing to do over the years. Count and monitor in a sensible and achievable way to achieve moderation. Weighing yourself daily is a quick and easy way to monitor calorie consumption. Cultivate a healthy emotional response to the feedback the scale provides each day. Use REBT to have a healthy concern when you have gained a few pounds and make adjustments sooner rather than later so that the unhealthy weight gain does not become permanent.
- I will remain committed to my effort to achieve healthy discomfort tolerance. When I fail in the short run, I will acknowledge my indulgence but not down myself. Berating and downing myself will not help me change but will help me quit the effort to change. Staying with a goal is often the key to some degree of success. Rather than seek perfection, keep your spirits hopeful by reminding yourself, “Better is better!”
Application to Quitting Smoking, Exercise, Healthy Eating, and Overcoming Problematic Alcohol Consumption
- I have not smoked cigarettes for a month, but I asked someone if I could have a cigarette while drinking last night. That was bad, but it is not evidence that I cannot start another streak and quit for good.
- I have kept to my exercise routine for three months. I was sick last week and had to interrupt the streak as it was imprudent to continue to exercise being so ill. I am better, and regaining the momentum to start exercising today is hard but not too hard. It is well worth starting to exercise again. I will make today’s goal of doing 50% of the exercise I was doing before the illness. I will ease back into my routine. Some amount of exercise today is better than no exercise.
- Yes, I overate last night, but no, it does not mean it should absolutely not have happened. I will accept myself and push myself to eat healthily today. My imperfect eating shows I am a fallible human, not a fat slob, loser, or failure who cannot work at changing how I eat. I will unconditionally accept myself, not label myself, and problem-solve so that a lapse does not become a relapse. One poor meal is far less damaging to my goals than a month or two of poor eating before I again try to cultivate the skill to adhere to a healthier diet and lose some weight.
- I have eaten a sufficient amount of this meal’s delicious food. It is hard not to eat more, but it is not too hard. My stomach is full, and my body is nourished, but I am experiencing the uncomfortable craving to continue to eat more food. If I eat more, I need to acknowledge this is my choice, which will feel good now but undermine my goal of maintaining a healthy weight. A healthy weight is valuable to me. Therefore, it is worth it not to dwell on the leftovers, drink some extra water, and direct my attention away from further eating. I could remove the food from sight or get up from the table. I commit to holding fast to my goal of eating a healthy amount of delicious and nourishing food. I will remain committed to my long-term goals, and tomorrow when I weigh myself in the morning, I will be glad I chose not to eat more of the food I enjoyed tonight. There will be another meal in the future. This meal is not the last supper!
- I violated my goal to stop drinking at three drinks yet again. Given my history and recent data collection at stopping at three drinks, abstinence may be my wiser goal. I can accept that with some goals, abstinence may be a more realistic goal than moderate drinking. REBT is against rigid and extreme thinking, even about moderation!
- I have completed 85% of my homework and do not want to finish it all tonight. However, I will likely have little time over the weekend to finish the 15% that remains. Although I am tired and want to go to bed, it is in my best interest to hang in there and finish the last 15% and complete the assignment tonight. Continuing my homework tonight is hard, but NOT too hard, and it is worth doing as I will likely not have the time to complete it over the weekend and may have to either rush it or not do it. Therefore, I commit to pressing on and will finish it tonight. Too bad life is hard! Stay the course till completion.