Cultivating Self-Reliance with REBT

“I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but as the years wasted on, nothing ever did unless I caused it.”

— Charles Bukowski

In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), self-reliance is encouraged. REBT shows you how to adopt healthy attitudes to achieve your personal goals. The ABC model of emotion emphasizes how our rigid and extreme attitudes largely produce our self-defeating emotional reactions of anger and self-pity (situational depression). Once under the influence of these emotions, humans tend not to persist in working toward actualizing their long-term goals and dreams. Below is a sample of healthy attitudes at the core of the REBT philosophy that will help you remain self-reliant and persistent, improving your chances of achieving your long-term goals.

Attitudes Underpinning Healthy Self-Reliance

Life is often both hard and unfair. I wish it were easy and fair, but sadly, it often is not. I will control my reaction to the difficulties and unfairness of life and change what I can change. I will start with my attitude. I will never like how the playing field of life is not always level. I will learn how to prevail despite the hardships and injustices of life.

It is hard to work at my goals and easy to complain. I will discipline my mind not to complain and to persist. I will accept that meaningful goals require hard work. I will refuse to anger or depress myself about the hard work I have to do to make my goals and dreams come true. I can bear to do what it takes to achieve my goals.

I want a guarantee that my efforts will pay dividends, but unfortunately, this is not how life works. I will invest effort and time, knowing I could fail to achieve my goals. If I do not give my goals my best effort, I am virtually certain not to realize them. I will maturely control what I can control and hope for the best. Effort matters a great deal in life. I will pin my hopes on my effort, not good fortune.

I will not blame my parents for my position in life. Parenting is hard work, and it is in my best interest to give them the benefit of the doubt. If they were abusive, I could acknowledge it while committing to overcoming the impact of their misbehavior and succeeding in living well despite it. With or without abuse, I assume my parents made mistakes and could have done many things better. Parenting is more complicated than it looks, and my parents are fallible humans. Rather than complain about how they failed me, I will accept the challenge of doing well and succeeding in life despite my poor upbringing.

The Bottom-line:

In some ways, REBT is old-school, emphasizing personal responsibility, self-reliance, independent thought, and persistent effort. It is a tough-minded therapy. You will bring out the best in yourself if you learn REBT, use it, and keep using it when the going gets rough.

For this reason, I will be giving a 90-minute lecture on the Core Principles and Strategies of REBT on Sunday, March 3rd, at 9 AM in New York. Join me to deepen your understanding of this powerful system of ideas. Write to me at REBTDoctor@gmail.com to be added to my distribution list to receive the link.