“To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness; let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death. At every instant let us evoke it in our imagination under all its aspects…
To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”
—Michel de Montaigne
In psychology, there is a saying that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Lay people will express the same idea by saying zebra do not change their stripes. Western nations are watching Russian President Vladimir Putin wage a savage war against Ukraine. As we watch the slaughter go on day in and day out, there is the elephant in the room. The elephant is the threatened use of nuclear weapons by Putin. Putin has broken international law and invaded a smaller neighboring country. Then Putin orders the West to keep out of it. It seems to me Putin is calling the shots, and the West is fearful of Russia. How dare people of good character give arms or planes to the invaded country! According to Putin, the West must define giving arms or planes to Ukraine as an act of war and think as he dictates us to think. As I see it, the people of the West need to prepare for two possible outcomes.
Those two possible outcomes are Putin’s tyranny or a tragic war. The authoritarianism of Putin is not something the West can stomach for long. What is also true in my view is that Putin is a person who is unlikely to back down. Once he captures Ukraine, if we do not stop him through escalation now, he will aggress again. His appetite for dominance is likely to be insatiable. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. He has no regard for human life and the suffering of innocent children. At some point, the war is likely to escalate. Now or later, unfortunately, the West is likely to enter the fight with Putin and authoritarianism. There are possible outcomes like Putin seeing he has put himself into a quagmire and finds a way to save face and end the war himself. He is too far in this war and too proud for this outcome to be likely. There is also the possible outcome that the Russian people will grow weary of suffering from sanctions and summon the tremendous courage necessary to overthrow Putin themselves. Putin’s internal displacement might be the best possible outcome, but Putin has expertise at holding onto power from within his borders after twenty years of authoritarian rule. This outcome appears unlikely.
In my view, each of us needs to prepare psychologically for the possible use of a nuclear weapon. This recommendation may be a frightening proposal to some. My intention is not to frighten. There is some psychological work all of us had better do. If we prepare and this preparation is unnecessary, there is little harm, and we are stronger for having done it. If we prepare for this dystopian possibility, we will do better over the coming days as pressure and tension increase for the West to do more to help Ukraine. The pressure to intervene more and more to the point Putin sees the West as having entered the war is a distinct possibility. There are no ideal solutions for the West.
Two Approaches to Unhealthy Anxiety
In general, there are two ways to address anxiety as the West creeps towards war with Putin. One is to take a statistical approach. I refer to this as the generic approach offered by cognitive behavior therapy. In this approach, one looks for the cognitive distortion, the over-attention to negative factors, and recalibrates and reduces the probability that the worse possible scenario will happen. In essence, anxiety reduction occurs through reassurance that the worst-case scenario will not occur. Someone may argue that I am overstating the prospect of Putin using a small-scale, tactical nuclear weapon as he has threatened. You might say that the possibility of strategic nuclear weapons, the more potent ones, is unlikely because of mutually assured destruction. Some hypothesize Putin wants power and glory, not self-destruction. I hope I am overstating the probability of using either type of nuclear weapon. The only problem in my mind is that whatever the likelihood of using a nuclear weapon before the war in Ukraine started, that probability has increased. Any increase in the likelihood of using a nuclear weapon is never a good thing. How much this probability has increased is anyone’s guess. Who can read Putin’s mind? This generic CBT intervention aimed at reassurance that the worst-case scenario won’t happen has limitations as no one can know how Putin will react if the West gets further involved in the war.
Another way to address anxiety is how Albert Ellis recommended and what REBT generally prefers. This approach is to stop and look at the worse possible scenario and come to terms with it. We can deny nuclear war due to anxiety and think “Nuclear war must not occur” or try to treat our anxiety and think “Nuclear conflict is unlikely to occur for this or that reason” and go about our business. However, for me, neither of these declarations is adequate. I certainly do not want a nuclear conflict to occur. Still, none of us can deny that it is possible and, to some extent, more likely today and each day that Putin continues to kill civilians and depopulate cities in Ukraine.
I am deeply concerned in a healthy way. A deep, deep concern is the healthy emotion prescribed by the philosophy of REBT. I hope humanity never chooses to use a nuclear weapon. However, I acknowledge that no law of nature compels humans not to use nuclear weapons. Humans have demonstrated throughout history that they are capable of profoundly inhumane behavior. Think Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot. I am sure we can add many others to the list, but these men all demonstrate that we cannot rest assured that Putin will not use a nuclear weapon and threaten the lives of millions of people. My view is that the West will sooner or later have to call his bluff. As this occurs, each of us will watch the escalation of the war relatively better if we get our emotional houses in order and prepare ourselves philosophically.
Healthy concern is far better than unhealthy anxiety because, with unhealthy anxiety, we are more prone to overestimate the probability of using a nuclear weapon or deny the possibility of using a nuclear weapon. REBT theory argues that our emotions, healthy or unhealthy, influence how we estimate the likelihood of future events. An anxious individual is more prone to extreme, possibly false hypotheses than a person who thinks about the future with healthy concern. Concern allows us to explore all the scenarios reasonably and rationally. Being in the emotional state of concern is freeing, while anxiety is constricting. When under the influence of unhealthy anxiety, we are more prone to lock onto a biased outcome.
How do we cultivate healthy concern in the days ahead? We need to accept that life is short, death inevitable. It is only the hour of our death that is unknown to us. No matter how young you may be, dear reader, your death will occur on a given day in the future. Each day, thousands of young and older people die around the globe who arose from bed on that given day and did not expect to die. Unexpected death was possible before Putin started this unjust war. It is best to prepare in advance for death. Once prepared, we live more comfortably under the current circumstances. We experience a relative improvement in our state of mind. However, we are emotionally better off than if we are not prepared. I will discuss the derived benefits of such preparation later in this article.
How to Prepare Yourself Psychologically
To start this preparation, begin with unconditional life acceptance. War is part of life. According to a 2003 NY Times article of the past 3,400 years, humans have been entirely at peace for 268 of them, or just 8 percent of recorded history. Sadly war is likely to be a part of life in the future. It is such a shame that it is, but sadly, we express our human fallibility by conducting savage wars. Hold the healthy attitude it would be ideal if humans did not conduct senseless warfare, but unfortunately, we do, and it is false to think that wars, large or small, even nuclear wars, cannot and must not happen. The past week’s events show that no matter how much better it would be for war not to occur due to the profound suffering it causes the young and the old, it is false to think war absolutely must not happen. War is part of life, and we had better philosophically accept this unfortunate fact of life. We need to believe our eyes and open our minds. Acceptance of war’s existence, even nuclear war, does not mean we do not strive to stop it. It means that we acknowledge reality no matter how difficult and painful this may be and then do everything in our power to prevent the worse possible scenario from unfolding. We take action with courage due to our deep concern. We do not act out of fear and panic. Our concern guides us and hopefully protects us.
I never imagined as an REBT psychologist that I would be exploring the application of REBT to coping with the possibility of death from nuclear war. But rather than spend mental energy suppressing thinking about what appears to be a possibility, I will feel more comfortable in these uncertain times by accepting what may occur. Acceptance enables me to avoid taking anything or anyone for granted. It frees me to put things in my life into perspective. It helps me savor each moment I have and appreciate everything I have. It helps me to look back with gratitude on everything good that has happened in my life up to this point. It helps me prioritize and reflect on what matters most to me and the fragility of life. I have been blessed and strive to count my blessings regularly.
Some might say, what about those who have children? It is sad to think that a child’s life might be cut short by war, but sadly this has already occurred. Everyone wants their children to live to be adults. However, the pictures of a mother and her two children lying dead in a street of Ukraine as they were attempting to flee show that the universe does not compel the protection of children. Hopefully, those children enjoyed some pleasures during their short lives. Life is exceptionally unjust, and if we philosophically accept this reality, we are better able to face what is occurring in Ukraine.
The second step is to accept yourself and others unconditionally. If you are frightened, acknowledge this emotion. Do not define yourself as weak and attempt to deny your feeling or what is occurring and what might occur. We all are human, yes even Putin is, only too human. There is some hope in seeing Putin as human because all humans eventually die, and all have Achilles heels. We can hope he will die sometime soon or that we will find his Achilles heel. Humans are fallible, and we cannot validly rate ourselves or others. We can rate what we and others do. Putin is authorizing death. His decisions and actions are deplorable. Keep rating what people do, not who or what they are. Hold them responsible for their actions but do not define them in total, in ways that are false to the facts. Rating a person in total only creates mythical figures that are abstract and cloud judgment.
Unconditional self-acceptance will make contemplating your death and coming to terms with it easier to do. You are not a bad person. You may have done bad things, but you are not a bad person. Learn from your bad deeds and strive to do better in the future. Accept those who have done bad things by you. They are still responsible for their deeds but appreciate how by only focusing on another person’s bad deeds, you are helping yourself not to feel unhealthy anger that erodes the quality of your life experience.
If you are a relatively young person, hope for the best and appreciate that you may be denied the future you thought would always be there for you. Feel concerned and savor every moment without fear. The good within the bad is for you to appreciate the value of time. Young people sometimes take time for granted and waste it. If anything, you too should now appropriately value time as a precious resource.
Healthy Attitudes to adopt:
1. I wish Putin were not threatening to use a nuclear weapon, but sadly he is, and it does not mean he must not make such threats. War is part of life, and I will acknowledge this with healthy negative emotions.
2. His threats are challenging to bear and think of but not unbearable. I can think of his threats and choose to feel deeply concerned about this war without making myself panicky and ruminating on nuclear war.
3. I will choose to unconditionally accept life with the range of possible outcomes of this war. I will keep things in perspective and acknowledge that I have a great deal to be thankful for regardless of how the war proceeds.
4. I sincerely hope the dystopia that would result from using a nuclear weapon never comes to pass. Still, I acknowledge that no law of the universe compels humans not to be so self-destructive. I can psychologically prepare myself for the coming brinksmanship that will ensue as this bloody war drags on. I will psychologically prepare myself for the worse and hope for the best.
5. When I die, all the conditions will be present for me to die. I will accept this hour even if I do not welcome it and wish the conditions were not present for my death to occur. Until that hour, I will choose to enjoy my life to the fullest and determine my emotional destiny through choosing to hold healthy, flexible, and non-extreme attitudes towards life and death.
6. I will count my blessings and savor the moments of my life while I can.
Conclusion
REBT theory argues that humans have two biological predispositions. One predisposition is to think in a self-defeating and other-harming way. That is to think in dogmatic, absolutistic, and extreme ways. The second predisposition is to think in a self-helping and other helping way. Unfortunately, humans seem to have an easier time defeating themselves and others through rigid and extreme thinking than to helping themselves and others through flexible, non-extreme, anti-dogmatic ways. For this reason, there is always the possibility Putin could escalate this war into the realm of nuclear warfare. I am hopeful that humanity will continue to exist beyond this war. My reasoning is based on the healthy feeling of concern and allows me to remain optimistic.
Nevertheless, luck favors the prepared mind. I suggest you tolerate the discomfort of cultivating unconditional life acceptance and unconditional self-acceptance. Savor the life you have and make the most of it while you can.