“Look, being offended is a choice. You have to make a choice to be offended. I chose not to be offended.”
“Being hurt is not a productive emotion.”
Tom Selleck (Actor)
Occasionally, some celebrities model ideas, attitudes, and philosophies consistent with Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). This fact is not a surprise because Albert Ellis, the originator of REBT, quickly pointed out that he borrowed from ancient and modern philosophies to weave together what we now call REBT. If Ellis read and adopted ideas put forth by sensible philosophers, it stands to reason others did so, too. Previously, I wrote how the commencement speech Taylor Swift gave at New York University a few years ago incorporated some of the ideas of REBT. Tom Selleck’s quotes above suggest that this actor, known for playing in television shows such as Magnum P.I. and Blue Bloods, also endorses some ideas consistent with REBT. It looks as if Selleck understands REBT’s Principle of Emotional Responsibility and REBT’s distinction between healthy and unhealthy negative emotions. He also seems to appreciate that the feeling of hurt is a self-defeating emotional choice he strives to avoid.
Healthy Reactions to Offensive Behavior by Others
Other people will make offensive comments, but REBT’s Principle of Emotional Responsibility teaches that offensive words and actions only contribute to our feelings. REBT encourages us to appreciate that we essentially upset ourselves over what others have said and done to us. Our rigid and extreme attitudes towards others’ actions (e.g., Others must treat me nicely) play a more significant role in whether we feel an unhealthy, self-defeating feeling such as hurt or a healthy, self-helping feeling of sorrow. Our sorrow is healthy because it acknowledges that we want others to treat us nicely while admitting that no natural law of the universe compels them to do so. Our healthy feeling of sorrow also does not lead to the sulking or passive-aggressive behavior that hurt sometimes produces. Sorrow is a productive emotion because it lets us calmly point out to the other party that we wish they would treat us better going forward. Nevertheless, we take responsibility for holding a healthy attitude and not resorting to making a demand that the other person treat us nicely. We show them unconditional acceptance despite their disagreeable behavior. With this healthy stance, we have a far better chance of living well with the fallible humans we live with, work with, and love.