Here is a rigid, self-defeating, irrational attitude that fallible humans commonly use to create emotional disturbance when the going gets rough in life:
“The world and my living conditions must be comfortable, gratifying, and just, providing me with all that I want in life.”
REBT Disputing Questions:
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- Where is it written that the world and my living conditions must be comfortable, gratifying, and just, providing me with all that I want in life?
- Is the world and the living conditions of all other people comfortable, gratifying, and just, providing them with all that they want in their lives?
- Does this attitude help me function well or poorly in my day to day life when conditions are not comfortable, gratifying, and just, and not exactly as I want them to be?
- Although I may very much want the world and my living conditions to be comfortable, gratifying, and just, providing me with all that I want in life how does it follow that things MUST be this way?
- What attitude might I hold to help myself develop resiliency and to change what I can change and live well with what I can’t when the world and my living conditions are not comfortable, gratifying, and just and fail to provide me with all that I want in life?
REBT’s Suggested Attitude for Resilience:
Although I very much want, prefer, desire, and would like the world and my living conditions to be comfortable, gratifying and just and to provide me with all that I want in life things do Not Have to Be as I want them to be. Yes it is very difficult to bear such negative conditions when they exist but they are not unbearable. I can tolerate a world and life conditions that are not always comfortable, gratifying, and just and it is worth bearing these conditions because they exist for me when they exist. Holding a flexible attitude of wanting the conditions of my life to be different but not demanding that they be different will enable me to change what I can change and to live well with those conditions I cannot change or take a very long time and great effort to change.
REBT’s Homework Prescription:
If you desire to build conviction in today’s rational attitude first take a few minutes to write it down 3-5 times over in order that you deeply understand and internalize it. Then later today when you encounter uncomfortable conditions repeat this attitude to yourself strongly while you remain in that condition and do your best to deal with it effectively. Don’t just talk or write the rational attitude but push yourself to live it day in and day out. It may be difficult but you can do it.