People can come to have a good understanding of REBT in a fairly short period of time. The core ideas of REBT are fairly straightforward. In a few sessions with me and/or after reading a book by Al Ellis or Windy Dryden you will understand how REBT explains your emotional and behavioral disturbance. That is the easy part. People often then say to me “I know that I do not have to have the approval of others even though there are practical reasons to have it” or “I know I do not have to perform perfectly well even though it would be lovely to do so because the task is an important one to me but how do I get myself to believe this new, rational attitude?” I reply “The answer is to act against your need for approval and risk disapproval, strive to do well but allow yourself to do things that are hard and which you are likely to do less than perfectly. You will then develop deep conviction in the rational attitude once you force yourself to take action that is consistent with it. Face your fear and face your shame through action. Tell yourself you can bear to this even if it is very uncomfortable. This is the only path to deep conviction in the new attitude.”
This is where the groaning and moaning usually happens either overtly or covertly. The easy part of therapy is talking about your irrational attitudes or reading about REBT. However, I emphasize that therapy without action is a waste of time. Likewise, reading a self-help book without acting on the information you have read is also a waste of time. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said over 2000 years ago that “Learning that does not lead to action is useless.” I agree with Epictetus. If you want to make real change you need to push yourself to act in a way that is both uncomfortable and different than the way that you usually do. And in all probability you will have to act in this alternative way many, many times to undo all the prior times you have acted and reinforced false ideas like “I need the approval of others” or “I have to perform perfectly well because the task is important to me.”
I have even more bad news for you my dear reader. Once you have done all this action and have changed your attitudes through action and effort you had better keep doing these rational actions because it will be all too easy for you to go back to your old ways of thinking and behaving. Yes humans backslide unless they keep at their rational fitness training. Just as a long distance runner must continue to run miles and miles almost daily to maintain their cardiovascular fitness, you too had better accept the fact that unless you keep after yourself and continue to act on these rational attitudes you will eventually return to your old tricks. This of course is bad but far from awful. If it were to happen it means only one thing. That you need to start pushing yourself again and again and again to act rationally until you even more deeply come to see and more deeply come to believe that the rational attitude is true and your old irrational attitude is false, false, false!
Remember, therapy without action is a waste of time.