Acceptance, tolerance, resilience, flexibility, rolling with the punches, making the best of a bad situation, accommodation all are different ways of saying what is at the heart of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. We all face thwarted desires. We then try and get around the obstacle and get what we desire. This is all well and good. REBT comes in handy when we can’t quickly and easily overcome our thwarted desires. This is when we must accommodate a grim reality. Fallible humans dislike doing the hard work of being flexible and accommodating reality even doing so on merely a temporary basis.
We plot and scheme how to get our wishes fulfilled. We turn to technology and to medicine to fix what is wrong with our reality. We try to cure illness or to medicate away pain. We even try to enhance human performance with medication. REBT is not against this effort if doing so is not shortsighted. But when we can’t get our wishes filled as we so desire REBT steps in to help us cope with the grim reality. The art of using REBT is getting to the point where we accept what we cannot change. Teaching people to do this is what REBT shows us how to do. REBT provides fallible humans with the message but fallible humans sometimes are slow to take up the message.
People say then need what they want. They need quick relief and short cuts to their goals. They need love from a particular person. They need professional success. They need a better job, a bigger apartment, or more comforts of one sort or another. They need fewer hassles.
REBT says in response to work to get these things but as you encounter adversity in your pursuits be resilient in your beliefs and mindset. Keep your preferences for what you want but give up your rigidity. You are never owed what you want by reality. See that and accept that grim fact. Accommodate reality rather than dictate that reality is as you want it to be. Work hard to increase the probability of getting what you want by steadfastly doing all you can do but see that there are no absolute guarantees.
Choose to not rebel against the facts that there are no guarantees that your efforts will pay off. Tolerate this and continue to do what you can do to change what can be changed. Stubbornly refuse to be miserable about what is slow to change or may never change. See that you are capable of such flexibility. With this flexibility continue to work for what you want. This is the secret if you will. You can be accepting, tolerate what you dislike, exhibit resilience, demonstrate flexibility, roll with the punches, make the best of a bad situation, and accommodate. This is difficult to do when you have certain strong wants and desires that are being thwarted. Yes it is difficult but being rigid and emotionally disturbed about a grim and unyielding reality is more difficult. Emotional disturbance rarely helps us change reality for the better. Choose the REBT path and you will be well served.