Unconditional self-acceptance is a gift you can give yourself. In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, I often discuss the value of working to develop unconditional self-acceptance and the healthy way of thinking that underpins it. However, today I will discuss a concept in REBT that will nicely compliment your effort to cultivate unconditional self-acceptance. That concept is unconditional life acceptance.
Plato said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” In my view, life is hard. Life is hard for all of us because we are fallible humans, and we often encounter frustrations that block us as we pursue our goals. Furthermore, every one of us wants something that remains out of reach. Either other humans stop us, we trip ourselves up and create what I call “unforced errors,” or the hand of fate tests us and puts adversity in our path. One way or the other, each day, we will be faced with the opportunity to make ourselves unsane, drive ourselves crazy, anger ourselves, or depress ourselves.
It may help to acknowledge that others have it harder than we do and that things can always get worse. However, perhaps the best and most profound way of facing life’s many challenges is to cultivate what we in REBT call unconditional life acceptance. Unconditional life acceptance is the healthy emotional state of disappointment, displeasure, and annoyance that we experience when we are frustrated by life and hold the flexible attitude that life does not have to be as we want it to be. When circumstances block us, we can acknowledge our frustration and accept that all the conditions are in place for this unfortunate event to be ours to bear. With this acknowledgment, we will be in a better position to generate creative solutions to life’s adversity if we quickly go to accepting reality as it is at that particular moment. We can work to change the next moment with motivation fueled by healthy negative emotions like disappointment, concern, sadness, displeasure, or annoyance.
It is easy for humans to come to situations with implicit attitudes such as:
- Life absolutely should go the way I want it to go.
- My life absolutely should not be so difficult. I deserve and absolutely should get what I want.
- I cannot bear the reality that lies before me.
If we hold these idealistic, rigid, and extreme attitudes, we will not be able to accept life as it is when we encounter adversity. We will anger or depress ourselves and render ourselves less creative and less persistent as we attempt to find a way to address the problem we face. We will create an unhealthy state of anger and despair if the problem is unsolvable. Instead, with unconditional life acceptance, we could have some degree of happiness despite the occurrence of adversity that proves to be unalterable.
Although I have written extensively about the value of unconditional self-acceptance, I now see that perhaps I could be more helpful if I also frequently emphasize the importance of cultivating unconditional life-acceptance. The next time something goes wrong in your life, I hope you call to mind today’s email. I hope you remind yourself that all the conditions are in place for you to be in the “battle” you are facing and that you have what it takes to bear and transcend the frustration, deprivation, and difficulty you are facing. With a strong sense of unconditional life acceptance, you will be in the best emotional state to change what you can and refuse to be miserable about what proves to be unchangeable in your life.
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Note: On Saturdays at 9 AM Eastern and 2 PM in the UK (for other time zones look down below), I hold a free Zoom conversation hour where I take a volunteer and discuss a problem they are having in life. This conversation is a live event, and the dialogue is not a role play. You can learn how to apply REBT ideas to your life by observing this conversation, and you may ask questions at the end of the hour. If you have an emotional problem you would like to discuss with me, perhaps you will volunteer, and I will show you how to think in a more effective way about your adversity. I will show you the specific rigid and extreme attitudes leading to your self-defeating emotions and holding you back from achieving your goals.
To request your Zoom link write to me at: REBTDoctor@gmail.com
Please feel free to pass this email and invitation to attend my Saturday Rational Emotive Behavioral Zoom Conversation hour to a friend.
At this time of the year this Zoom meeting takes place every Saturday at the following times:
Philadelphia (USA – Pennsylvania) Saturdays at 9:00:00 am
London (United Kingdom – England) Saturdays at 2:00:00 pm
Paris (France – Île-de-France) Saturdays at 3:00:00 pm
Sarajevo (Bosnia-Herzegovina) Saturdays at 3:00:00
Bucharest (Romania) Saturdays at 4:00:00 pm
Moscow (Russia – Moscow) Saturdays at 4:00:00 pm
Kabul (Afghanistan)Saturdays at 5:30:00 pm
Karachi (Pakistan – Sindh) Saturdays at 6:00:00 pm
New Delhi (India – Delhi) Saturdays at 6:30:00 pm
Tokyo (Japan) Saturdays at 10:00:00 pm
Sydney (Australia – New South Wales) at Midnight (Sunday)
Corresponding UTC (GMT) Saturdays at 13:00:00