In REBT, we propose that you cultivate flexible and non-extreme attitudes as a way of establishing and maintaining healthy, that is, self-helping, reactions to adversity. This stance towards the most significant challenges of life is the basis for the unconditional self, other, and life acceptance, which are the foundation of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
Daily Active Engagement in Life is Important for All People
In working with disabled and retired people who are depressed or just very dissatisfied with their lives, I find myself reiterating the importance of finding and actively engaging in one or more purposeful activities each day. A life worth living is not one where we aim merely to survive and wait to die. A life worth living includes one or more meaningful activities that structure our day-to-day lives and give them purpose. We create daily structure through the choices we make, and we reap the benefits of creating this sense of purpose in our lives.
This recommendation certainly does not only apply to people with disabilities and retired folks, as many young people who live alone may find themselves struggling to make use of their available time in the evening and on weekends and, as a result, suffer from depression. The newly divorced and surviving spouses of the deceased are also likely to have to cultivate structure and purpose after the loss of a foundational relationship in their lives. When humans have unstructured time and nothing meaningful to do, the conditions are ripe for depression to take hold. The longer they drift, the more profound the depression and the bad habit of living an unstructured, aimless life can seem insurmountable.
Resource Limitations Do Not Have to Stop You from a Life with a Purpose
Resource limitations and circumstances exist, which makes it more challenging but never impossible for some to engage in purposeful activity. People who do not have a great deal of disposable income, for example, cannot develop skills as downhill skiers because they cannot afford to rent a room at a ski resort nor have the means to drive to a mountain and rent skis. Likewise, an older adult residing in an assisted living facility or a physically disabled individual will be physically unable to go skiing due to physical limitations. Like in many areas of life, the playing field is not level. We do not all possess equal opportunities in life. Constraints apply to the types of activities we all can pursue to experience purpose in life. This unfairness is unfortunate but not unbearable. It’s regrettable, and we all have to make the most of life with the resources and options available to us.
Experimentation, Creativity, and Persistence in Pursuing Purpose
Despite the uneven playing field in opportunities, the challenge and necessity of actively engaging with life remain. People do best when they get up most days and engage in purposeful activity. A meaningful activity that yields a sense of purpose for one person will not be the same as that which serves another. Experimentation and creativity are required. A person needs to consider things they may enjoy and then be willing to try them, perhaps discovering they do or do not like them. Often, a single attempt is insufficient to determine if one has an interest in an activity. Sometimes, multiple exposures are required to develop rudimentary skills, which enable us to gauge better if a given activity may interest us over the long run and be part of the array of activities that give our lives purpose and daily structure.
REBT Can Help You Find Purpose
REBT is a framework of self-help that can aid you in your pursuit of purpose. REBT has long encouraged what Ellis called vitally absorbing interests. Ellis taught it did not matter what your vitally engaging interests were as long as you had them. I recall him encouraging people to build a business, start a family, or engage in political activism. He would point out that your vitally absorbing interests were yours and often unique to you. He would encourage people to throw themselves into life and try things to see what worked for them, what turned them on, and what made life meaningful. He reminded people not to hold themselves back from trying things to see if they enjoyed them.
Rigid and Extreme Attitudes Block Effort at Finding Purpose
REBT can help an individual overcome the inertia that blocks the required period of experimentation needed to determine interest and reward in pursuing a given activity. It can be difficult for people to follow through on the necessary experimentation due to their assumption that there is nothing that they can do to engage with life more fully and with purpose. This assumption is a by-product of an underlying attitude. Let us examine some of the attitudes that hold people back:
- It (absolutely) should be easier to find activities that bring purpose to my life with purpose.
- I need a guarantee I am not wasting my time and money by trying this activity.
- It’s too hard to structure my days or evenings by doing activities beyond watching television.
- It is too challenging to maintain a healthy routine of going to bed at the same time each night and waking up at the same time each day.
- It is too hard to engage in a routine of daily physical activity within the limitations imposed by my physical limitations due to age, disability, or illness.
- It is too hard to experiment and find ways to engage with life, given my limited financial resources.
I recommend that people with a lot of free time during the day keep the television off until at least 4 PM because watching TV is a very passive activity. It can be both entertaining and informative, but it can also become a stimulus that loses its rewarding value when one engages in it for hours on end, as many people fall into the trap of doing so. It is better to engage in activities that require mental effort. Here is a short list of activities people may consider:
- Enrolling in an online course on Coursera (this organization offers a wide range of courses in many areas of study) https://about.coursera.org/
- Learning a foreign language either by hiring an online tutor or using an app like Duolingo https://www.duolingo.com/
- Using Facebook groups or Meetup groups where shared interests become friendships https://www.
meetup.com/ - Starting a Meetup group in an area of interest that currently doesn’t exist. If you know something, why not share it with others and form a Meetup group?
- Having regularly scheduled Zoom conversations with a friend far away. Have a standing date for coffee or over Zoom.
- Write your autobiography (even if no one other than you reads it, this is worth doing)
- Writing fiction or nonfiction (e.g., science fiction, erotica, or any other genre.)
- Read novels; listen to stories or books on Audible.com
- Learn to play an instrument.
- Learn to paint or make art.
- Learn to knit.
- Regular exercise (resistance training, running, walking, calisthenics, swimming, water aerobics)
- Yoga
- Learn dancing – all sorts, including belly dancing for exercise.
- Help others and formal volunteerism.
- Visit public libraries and museums.
- Construct a 1000-piece puzzle.
- Study vocabulary words
- Garden (work in your garden or work in a public garden)
Healthy Attitudes that Help Find Purpose
The above list is a small set of activities one can engage in when open to daily self-structure, active engagement with life, and the pursuit of purpose. Let’s examine REBT’s healthy alternative attitudes to those mentioned above, which will help people overcome inertia and throw themselves into life, continuing to do so to improve their sense of well-being and purpose. These are:
- I wish it were easier to find engaging activities that bring purpose to my life, but it does not have to be easier. It can be challenging to find activities that I can afford and enjoy, but I will think creatively and experiment with activities that I can do despite my limitations.
- I would like to know in advance that I am not wasting my time and money by trying this activity, but that’s not how it works. Too bad. I don’t need a guarantee that I will like what I’m trying. Now take the plunge and try something; taste it – you might come to like it!
- It’s challenging to structure my days and evenings by engaging in activities beyond watching television, but it’s not too difficult. I can bear the effort required to structure my free time with various activities beyond watching TV. It is worth doing as it will enhance my well-being, and I am worth doing it for. I commit to doing my best to structure my free time rather than passively drifting through life and wasting time waiting to die. Time lost is never regained.
- Maintaining a healthy routine of going to bed at the same time each night and waking up at the same time each day can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It is worth establishing because a consistent sleep routine is key to achieving the highest quality of sleep and avoiding daytime sleepiness. It will keep me in sync with the rest of society, which will ultimately be beneficial for me. I am worth doing this for. I commit to maintaining a healthy sleep routine.
- It is hard to engage in a routine of daily physical activity within the limitations imposed by my physical challenges due to age, disability, or illness, but it is not too difficult. Maintaining my physical strength and coordination is essential regardless of my limitations, as this will help me slow further functional impairment due to age, disability, or illness. It is worth doing; I am worth doing it for, and I commit to doing what I can to function as well as possible despite my limitations.
- It is challenging to experiment and find ways to engage with life, given my limited financial resources, but not impossible. If I fail to experiment with different activities, my life will be increasingly unfulfilling and not worth living. However, making an effort to enjoy life is worth doing; I am worth doing it for, and I commit to finding ways to enjoy myself. I will assume I can still have some pleasure and purpose despite my financial limitations and my physical challenges due to age, disability, or illness.
Summary
REBT is a self-help framework, a philosophy of life, and a psychotherapy. Although adopting a flexible and non-extreme set of attitudes towards adversity will help you avoid self-disturbance, life is more than just not feeling emotional disturbance. REBT wants you to maximize the pleasure and meaning you derive in life. REBT encourages goal setting, self-discipline, self-structure of time, and engaging in vitally absorbing pursuits. It does not matter what your particular vitally absorbing pursuits end up being. You might enjoy belly dancing, while I prefer disseminating the healthy attitudes of REBT—Vive la différence.