“The mind, unconquered by violent passions, is a citadel, for a man has no fortress more impregnable in which to find refuge and remain safe forever.”
Marcus Aurelius (Meditations, 8.48)
Marcus Aurelius knew how to help himself. He looked within instead of looking outside of himself for strength. As a Stoic philosopher he helped himself to not be conquered by his violent passions which I would translate as not being conquered by unhealthy negative emotions, or self-defeating and unproductive negative emotions. People generally agree that experiencing unhealthy negative emotions are the problem. The question that is debated is the path to the mental state that will usher in those healthy, motivating, productive negative emotions that are a refuge from adversity.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy shows you the path. The path to the impregnable fortress involves essentially two steps. The first step is to control what you can control and being indifferent or having healthy negative feelings towards what is beyond your control. The second step is to hold flexible and nonextreme attitudes towards the adversity that lies beyond your domain of control and influence. People generally are NOT doing one or both of these steps when they are upsetting themselves. People try to change what they cannot change AND insist that what they do not like MUST not exist.
Encourage yourself to work on adopting these wise, healthy, rational, and Stoic philosophies:
1. I will wisely focus my efforts on what I can control and choose to be indifferent or choose healthy negative emotions towards what I cannot control or is beyond my sphere of influence.
2. I will never define what I do not like as something that absolutely must not exist.
3. I will keep my wishes but choose to be at peace with or have a healthy negative feeling towards adversity which occurs simply because IT IS occurring. I will change what I can change in the future and accept what is occurring in the present with equanimity.
4. I will gain leverage from and take refuge in the wisdom that people and conditions do not have to be as I want them to be.