In 1956 Albert Ellis gave an important address at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association. In this seminal address, he outlined twelve ideas that cause emotional disturbance and human misery. Until this time, Freud’s approach, and variants of orthodox Freudian theory, dominated psychotherapy. Ellis introduced a new paradigm that was to usher in what we now know as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).
Over twelve successive Intermittent Reinforcement email messages, I will quote these twelve ideas one at a time and show how these ideas from 1956 are still relevant today and, if corrected, can help you experience a healthier emotional life.
Idea #2: “The idea that certain acts are wrong, or wicked, or villainous, and that people who perform such acts should be severely punished—instead of the idea that certain acts are inappropriate or antisocial, and that people who perform such acts are invariably stupid, ignorant, or emotionally disturbed.”
Perhaps Ellis’s most significant contribution to the relief of human emotional suffering is his emphasis on unconditional self and other acceptance. In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, we encourage people not to judge themselves and others as inadequate, worthless, or lesser people. Instead, we encourage people to focus on the rating and judging of the behavior a person does in the context of one’s goals and value system. The advantage of doing this is to eliminate unhealthy feelings of guilt, shame, and anger. Also, focusing on the behavior eliminates global evaluations of inferiority and inadequacy. When we focus on one’s behavior, we can feel appropriately disappointed, remorseful, and displeased with what another person or we have done. We can learn from this rating. We can improve our behavior and learn from our experiences. When we focus on another person’s poor behavior, we can attempt to influence their future behavior through incentives and punishments. Therefore rating behavior is constructive. However, Ellis astutely pointed out as far back as 1956 that people cannot be rated good or bad, adequate or inadequate in total based on their poor behavior. However, humans often and quite naturally make this reasoning error and rate the total person. He referred to it as sloppy thinking or crooked thinking.
People naturally tend to define themselves and others arbitrarily as good or bad based on specific acts. The problem with this rating is that it is always invalid because it is arbitrary. No one act or set of acts defines a human. Any action or set of acts selected to define a human is arbitrary. Ellis saw that all humans are a mix of good and bad deeds, with no action or selection of acts determining a human’s worth. He showed in his teachings and writings that people are alive, have goals, and then do things attempting to achieve their goals. We can rate a person’s behavior in the context of their goals. We can evaluate a person’s behavior from the standpoint of our value system. However, to go beyond the rating of an act, a series of actions, or the characteristics a person possesses, and then to rate the entire person is invalid and a false overgeneralization about a person. People do good and bad things that much we can validly rate. People possess good and bad characteristics, and all of us are a mix of good and bad traits, behaviors, and thoughts and feelings. However, the person, the totality of a person, is unratable. You may define a person as “bad,” but you cannot prove they are a bad person. Your definition of that person is your opinion, but your definition of them as a “bad person” goes beyond the facts. They may have done a bad thing, that is a fact. Your definition of them goes beyond that fact and your rating of the person as a villainous person is fictitious. Therefore, good and bad people do not exist. A good person is just as mythical as a villainous person. There are good and even villainous deeds, but there are only imperfect humans. This is closer to the facts.
When a person comprehends this idea of only rating behavior in the context of their goals, they take an important step forward in their emotional development. When we stop rating ourselves, we stop emotionally abusing ourselves. When we stop rating other people or judging other people, we tolerate them and get along better with them despite their “bad” behavior. We hopefully will hold ourselves responsible for the consequences of our actions, and we hopefully will hold other people accountable for the consequences of their actions. This accountability will influence future behavior in a constructive way. Nevertheless, we hold people accountable with a humanistic spirit. We accept and practice tolerance with all humans, but we condemn their bad actions. When we apply this concept to ourselves, we are in a position to develop unconditional self-acceptance. When we apply this concept with others, we develop unconditional other-acceptance.
REBT helps people live well with themselves and with others. It helps people have healthy negative emotions, which reflects that something we value is not occurring in the world. Feelings of concern, disappointment, displeasure, sadness, sorrow, remorse, and healthy anger derive from rating what a person does, using our values to make that rating. These feelings help motivate us to take corrective action. These healthy negative feelings may encourage us to assert ourselves with another and inform them, educate them, or even punish them for what they have done. Humans are fallible and will do good and bad things. When we rate what people do, we can better control our emotional reaction to what they do and have a healthy emotional response to their actions. Rating what we do and what others do is very useful. Evaluating the entire person does not add value to the human experience and undermines our ability to tolerate ourselves and others. Discipline your mind to focus on what people do, and you will see that you have a healthier emotional experience living in a world of fallible human beings.
Saturday Morning Rational Emotive Behavioral Zoom Conversation hour:
If you enjoyed and profited from this piece, you may also wish to attend my Saturday Zoom Conversation hour. Participation is not required, and you observe my conversation with the volunteer. This Zoom meeting is an opportunity to watch me discuss implementing these philosophical ideas with a volunteer who elects to share a real problem. These Saturday Zoom Conversation hours are free of charge to attend. You can select to volunteer, or you can passively witness the conversation and then submit your questions at the end to understand better the conversation you saw. Read more about the Conversation Hour here: https://rebtdoctor.com/rational-emotive-behavioral-weekly-zoom-conversation-hour.html