In my view, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is as much a way of living or a philosophy of life as it is a form of cognitive-behavior psychotherapy. I have practiced this philosophy for thirty-one years and find it very beneficial. I have tried to distill the main ingredients of this liberating philosophy to as few fundamental tenets as possible for dissemination. I have never encountered a problem where REBT does not somehow apply. If your emotions are involved, REBT applies. Here is a list of some of the fundamental REBT ideas you can use to achieve personal happiness:
1. Unconditionally, accept yourself. Unconditional self-acceptance is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is the foundation of emotional health and happiness. Strive to deepen it until your final breath.
2. Hold yourself responsible for your emotional reactions, personal happiness, and your life’s path. Control what is under your control and accept what is beyond it.
3. Think for yourself. Allow yourself to make your own mistakes. Believe it or not, this is possible even if it is difficult for you to do.
4. Cultivate psychological flexibility and tolerance. Keep your wishes, wants, and preferences, but do not convert them into demands. Come to understand that because you want something, it does not follow that you absolutely must have it.
5. You can bear far more discomfort, frustration, loss, and failure than you think you can. No matter how bad it gets, you can stubbornly refuse to be miserable and have some happiness despite your misfortune.
6. Accept reality. Denying reality does not work well for very long. Change what you can but recognize that you cannot control the outcome of events.
7. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Remember, you, mainly you, will profit from your willingness to do what is hard. You also will be the one to suffer the pain of taking the easy way out.
8. Accept uncertainty. Take calculated risks. Some risk is necessary to enjoy life maximally. Commit to making the most of life. You have only one life to live.
9. Strive to do better, not perfectly well. Cling to the awareness you were born and will die a fallible human.
10. Tolerate the difficulty of achieving your goals. Stick with your goals. Cultivate patience and perseverance. Life takes more time than humans want, but those who stay the course are far more likely to prevail.
11. Listen to your feelings. Feelings are essential feedback about what is occurring in your world. Distinguish between your thoughts and your feelings. Strive to have healthy negative emotions that are informative and motivate you to change what you can change.
12. Regardless of how hard it may be, it is far easier to change yourself and how you react to another person than change the other person.