Example Problem: You are an adult but your older sister treats you like a child.
ABC Analysis of This Problem
Your Goal: To be treated like an adult with respect. To be treated by your older sister as an equal.
(A) Adversity: You perceive your old sister to be treating you like a child when in fact you are a responsible adult.
(B) Beliefs:
Your rigid belief: My sister absolutely should not treat me like a child.
Your extreme belief derived from your rigid belief: It is awful when my sister treats me like a child.
(C) Consequences:
Emotional: Hurt
Behavioral: You sulk
Subsequent Distorted Thinking: You overgeneralize and think that your sister always treats you like a child even when there is evidence that sometimes she does not treat you like a child.
Disputing question for my rigid belief:
When I perceive my sister treating me like a child does my belief that she absolutely should not treat me this way help me?
Answer: No it does not. My rigid belief about my sister’s behavior only makes me feel hurt which leads me to sulk. When I sulk she then thinks she is right to treat me like a child.
Disputing question for my rigid belief:
What belief could I hold that will help me not feel hurt but will lead me to feel appropriately sorrowful that she treats me as a child?
Answer: I really wish my sister not treat me as a child but she does not have to do so. I cannot control how she treats me but I can control how I react to her dislikable treatment.
Disputing question for my extreme belief:
Is it awful or merely bad and distasteful that my sister treats me like a child?
Answer:
Awful really means more than 100% bad. It is not that bad that she treat me as a child. Her treating me like a child is bad and distasteful but is far from awful. Telling myself it is awful only makes me hurt and angry.
Rational Coping Statement of the Day:
I really want my sister to treat me as an adult, as an equal but she never has to do this. I do not like the way she treats me and so I will assert myself but this does not guarantee that she will change her ways. People generally do what they want and not what I want. I had better work on not getting hurt when she treats me in ways I dislike. Feeling hurt does not help to change things and so it would be better if I felt only sorrow and displeasure. It is bad that she treats me like a child but it is not awful. If she continues to treat me like a child I can either choose not to deal with her and/or I can calmly remind her to treat me differently. Regardless of what I say to her it is in my best interest not to disturb myself about her neurotic behavior towards me. Her treating me as a child says more about her than it does about me.