People often think that REBT advocates positive thinking. This is not wholly true nor entirely false. REBT philosophy advances realistic thinking. Realistic thinking conforms with reality and observable data and incorporates a balanced perspective that will often include elements of the good within the bad. However, REBT is not merely advocating positive thinking. What is the difference? Positive thinking is not quite as gritty and will not help you look reality square in the eye. Positive thinking by itself without a realistic foundation may have a pollyannaish quality to it. Compare the below examples:
1. Rigid irrational attitude: I must get that job.
Positive thinking: I did not get that job, but it probably was not the best job for me.
Realistic thinking: I very much wanted that job, but I did not have to get it. Life sometimes involves not getting what I want. It is too bad I did not get what I want. Now I will go and try to find another job I would also like to have.
2. Extreme irrational attitude: It is awful not to get that job.
Positive thinking: It is not so bad to not receive an offer for that job.
Realistic thinking: It is very disappointing and in that way quite bad NOT to get to receive an offer for that job, but it is not awful. Worse things could happen to me. It is very disappointing that much is undeniable but disappointments happen, and I will choose to accept that frustrations are a part of life, but I still do not have to disturb myself about those things.
3. Extreme irrational attitude: I cannot stand the struggle of searching for a better job.
Positive thinking: Hey the job search process is not that much of a struggle. You do learn things along the way.
Realistic thinking: It is uncomfortable to submit resumes, go on interviews, wait for an offer and then not receive an offer to the coveted job, BUT that whole process is not unbearable. I can tolerate the struggle. It is worth staying with the struggle because I want a better job. I am more likely to ultimately obtain a better job if I keep looking for it. I will search until I find a better job.
4. Extreme irrational attitude: I did not obtain the job offer, and that means I am a failure.
Positive thinking: You are a success. This failure is character building and good for me in the long run. I am stronger for not having been offered this job.
Realistic thinking: I did not obtain the job offer, AND that is very disappointing, but it does not prove I am a failure as a person. It is more evidence that I am an imperfect human who has some strengths and weaknesses. I will accept myself with this failure. Getting the job would not transform me into a “better” person and failing to get this job does not magically transform me into a “lesser” person or a failure.