The Stoic philosophers often recommended that we prepare in advance for adversity by rehearsing certain coping statements. REBT heavily borrows from Stoicism. Here are a few of REBT’s often repeated coping ideas to have at the ready at the tempting moment. The enticing moment is that moment when you face adversity and may begin to upset yourself. You may want to circle a few of those found below and start to rehearse them so that you are well prepared to face the next adversity that the hand of fate will throw your way.
- I want but do not have to have what I want, no matter how badly I want or deserve it.
- It would be better if…
- This task is uncomfortable, not unbearable. I don’t like it, but I can bear it. It is worth bearing, and I am worth doing this for…
- It is bad, not awful, terrible, or the end of the bloody world. Hassles are not horrors.
- I did a bad thing, but I am not a bad person.
- The first step of change is taking responsibility for my choice not to do something that would be good for me to do. At least I will acknowledge I am choosing not to do what is best to do right now.
- Life and other people give me an opportunity to make myself upset. I make myself upset.
- I anger myself.
- I shame myself when I fall short or act poorly.
- I make myself feel guilty when I break moral rules.
- I make myself anxious when I face a threat to my comfort or my self-esteem.
- Throw the self-esteem baby out with the bathwater. Then full the tub with unconditional self-acceptance.
- I put myself in a bad mood. I choose to depress myself.
- I allow myself to take the easy path when it would better to take the more difficult path that will lead to greater pleasure in the long run.
- I want approval from significant others but will not perish without it.
- Doing poorly does not prove I am a poor or inadequate person. It proves I am a fallible human.
- I disturb myself. It does not “happen” to me.
- Keep your wishes and desires, but do not demand that you get what you want.
- Live your one life to enjoy yourself, not prove your self-worth.
- There are things you can control, and there are things that you cannot. Focus on what is under your control. Your attitude towards that which is beyond your control is under your control.
- Execute your right to choose your emotional destiny.
- Look for the should, look for the must!
- Work and practice lead to change.
- This task is uncomfortable, not unbearable. If it is worth doing, then it is worth bearing the discomfort involved when doing it.
- Everything has a price. Do not demand that you get what you want without paying the cost to get what you want.
- I never have to feel like doing something in order to do it. If it is a good time to do it, and it is worth doing, I can make myself do something I do not feel like doing.
- The world does not have to be a fair place.
- People are not compelled by nature or the universe to treat me nicely.
- I will rate what I do, not rate my essence or personhood.
- I am the center of my universe, not the universe.
There is more to change than rehearsing these ideas. It is important to reflect on these ideas and attempt to live in harmony with them. Push yourself to implement these ideas at the moment you are tested by the hand of fate. You may very well discover that you can handle whatever life throws your way.