Rational Fitness Training – Walter J. Matweychuk, PhD
You can create the same kind of coping self-statements that I have described elsewhere and say them to yourself very powerfully until you really convince yourself of –and truly feel their message. For example:
Strong Realistic Self-statement: “I never, never need what I want, no matter how much I prefer it!”
Strong Logical Self-statement: “Even though I failed in several relationships, this doesn’t mean that I have to fail again. No, I don’t have to! I CAN have a successful relationship!”
Strong Empirical Self-Statement: “Repetition is the mother of learning.”
Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
The theory of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT\cbt) is that fallible humans are burdened and blessed with two competing biological predispositions. Nature has burdened us with the tendency to create rigid and extreme attitudes which lead to self-defeating feelings and behaviors which undermine our goals. Nature blessed us with the ability to think in a flexible and non-extreme way about adversity which allows us to have self-helping and healthy negative feelings that motivate us to work at changing negative parts of ourselves, attempting to influence others and to change parts of life. Unfortunately, for most of us the tendency to think in rigid and extreme ways (e.g., I want this and MUST have it [a rigid attitude], and it is AWFUL if I do not get what I want and must have [an extreme evaluation of a bad event]) can be quite strong. With years of practice at rigid and extreme thinking, it may seem like we are incapable of thinking, feeling and acting differently. Fortunately, Ellis with his genius saw through the fog and recognized that within each of us lies the capacity to think in a flexible and non-extreme way so that we are capable of responding well to adversity and are capable of experiencing some degree of happiness despite the presence of negative conditions and problems in our lives. He saw that each of us CAN cultivate the flexible and non-extreme thinking capacity we are blessed with and that we also can limit and dampen down if not replace the rigid and extreme attitudes we hold. He saw that with regular work and practice we could strengthen our rational attitudes and will ourselves to act and feel differently about adversity. He taught that with regular self-training we could maintain our rational, flexible and non-extreme attitudes through all manner of life challenges and regain our rational attitudes when we temporarily slip back to rigid and extreme thinking. He taught we could never perfect ourselves, but we can make significant headway towards becoming remarkably less disturbable.
In my clinical and coaching practices and my personal life, I have been experimenting with what I now think of as rational fitness training. These periods of rational fitness training are short periods of 5, 10 or 20 minutes where I first engage in roughly sixty seconds of diaphragmatic breathing to focus my attention and settle into the practice I am about to commence. Then I repeat to myself several rational, flexible and non-extreme attitudes. The repetition of the attitudes can be done aloud or silently to oneself. I usually will take a rational attitude and repeat it twice to myself before moving onto a different one. In my clinical practice, I have my patient take out their iPhone and make a recording of the practice as I lead them through it and they repeat each statement after I say it. Before ending the audio, I have the patient spend a few minutes thinking about what we have just been saying to ourselves and imaging themselves implementing these attitudes in their day to day life. I then instruct my patient to listen to the recording every day to begin to cultivate familiarity and conviction in this new and better way of thinking and to have these attitudes at the ready for use when adversity strikes. I also instruct them to look for opportunities in their day to day lives to implement and ACT upon these flexible and non-extreme attitudes when an obstacle or problem occurs. If they are trying to change behavior, I tell them to repeat the attitudes at the very moment they are attempting to execute the new behavior. So for example, this would be when tempted to avoid exercise, indulge in food or drugs, procrastinate or act in an unassertive or an aggressive way. By first rehearsing and then acting in accord with these attitudes one begins to develop deep conviction in them and cultivates and strengthens the biological predisposition to think, feel, and act in a self-helping way when the conditions of life test them.
Ellis taught that the most effective REBT practitioners were the ones that practice what they preach. I do this exercise, and in fact, I modify it for use at night as I fall off to sleep. When I turn out the lights to go to sleep instead of letting my mind run wild over the day’s events I silently repeat to myself“I can and will accept what I cannot change” until I fall off to sleep.
My patients who have started to do these rational fitness training sessions have been pleasantly surprised and have reported that they have begun to see rather significant results from this sort of practice. I urge you to try to make your own rational fitness audio recording and also begin to do your REBT fitness training daily. People are creatures of habit and you can make rational attitudes a habit. Give this a try and see for yourself!
To assist you in making your own REBT fitness training audio recording I created below many flexible and non-extreme attitudes which you can use to make your audio recording. Remember to begin by taking a minute to settle down and slowly breathe in through your nose, pause and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Do this focused, diaphragmatic breathing for about a minute and then repeat each attitude two times in succession before moving onto the next attitude. You can make the audio recording of any length 5, 10, 15 or 20 minutes in duration. You can use all of the attitudes found below or pick out those you think will be especially helpful to you. You can change the below attitudes and make them more specific to your life. Tailor them with different words but be sure to do so without departing from the core REBT ideas. For example, you might change the attitude “I want people to do things my way, but people do not and NEVER have to do things my way” to “I want my employer to do things my way, but management does not have to do things my way even though I think that would be better. I am always free to leave, and it is good for me to remember this.”
Flexible and non-extreme attitudes to using when creating your daily REBT Fitness Training audio recording:
1. I am responsible for my reactions to that which happens to me.
2. There are things I can control, and there are things I cannot control. I can control my attitude towards all those things I cannot control.
3. I can discipline my thinking and choose to react in a healthy way to bad events and obstacles.
4. I disturb myself. I anger myself. I shame myself. I depress myself. I make myself fearful and phobic of nondangerous people and situations. I never have to disturb myself, anger myself, shame myself, depress myself or make myself anxious and fearful of nondangerous people and situations.
5. I want to do things perfectly well, but I never HAVE to do things perfectly well. Trying to do things perfectly well leads me to procrastinate in starting to do things that are important to do.
6. I want people to do things my way, but they do not and NEVER have to do things my way even when my way is more efficient and the smarter way to do things.
7. I wish life were easier and fair, but it is as it is and NEVER has to be easier and fair.
8. It is bad when things do not occur as I would like them to occur, but it is never AWFUL, TERRIBLE, OR THE END OF THE WORLD.
9. Addressing problems and doing what is best at the exact time it is best to do them is sometimes uncomfortable but NOT unbearable. I can and will stand the discomfort involved in doing what is best in the long run at the time it is best to do these things. This discipline is well worth developing, and I am worth doing this for as it will maximize my enjoyment in life and minimize the pain I face.
10.It is uncomfortable to assert myself NOT unbearable. I can stand the awkward moment when I assert my point of view. It is worth doing and I am worth doing it for.
11.It is uncomfortable to exercise but NOT unbearable. I can tolerate the time and effort it takes to exercise. It is worth doing and I am worth doing it for.
12.I do not HAVE to feel like doing something in order to do it. I can push myself right now to do what I do not want to do.
13.When I fail it bad, but it only proves that I am a fallible human, not a failure or a lesser human. I am fallible, and I can accept myself unconditionally while remaining responsible for the consequences of the errors I make and the negative things I may do.
14.When someone treats me badly or unfairly, that is bad, but it does not make them a bad or rotten person who deserves condemnation. Their behavior proves they are fallible and to a greater or lesser extent emotionally disturbed. I will accept them as a fallible person but hold them accountable for their errors and the negative things they do. This unconditional acceptance of others will help me to create healthy, self-helping displeasure and disappointment which will help me respond effectively to other people’s misbehavior.
15. When bad events happen in life that is bad, not awful. The presence of bad events never means the whole of life is bad. I will accept that life is a mix of good and bad events. I can accept life even when I strongly dislike what is going on at the moment. I never know what good lies in my future, so it not true to say life is ever totally bad. Good can come from bad as hard as it may be to believe at any given bad moment.
16.Even when life is bad in one or more ways, I can choose to have some degree of happiness despite the presence of the bad parts of life. I may not have as much happiness as I would have if these bad parts of life were not in place, but it does not follow I have to be miserable and have zero pleasure in life.
17.Good can come from bad. There are bad events and worse events. However bad something is it is healthy to acknowledge that it can be worse and that it is never 100% bad, or more than 100% bad. Awful, terrible, and the end of the world does not exist until the end of the world.
18.I can change my thinking and learn to discipline it. It is hard but not impossible to learn to think in flexible and non-extreme ways. I can tolerate the daily practice of rational ideas, and it is worth doing, and I am worth doing this for.
19.Other people do not upset me. I upset myself over the things they do. I will choose NEVER to upset myself, and this will help me respond effectively to the bad, unfair and stupid things they do.
20.I have one short life, and it is in my best interest to live it well. I will experiment to discover how to do this.
21.I do not like uncertainty, but I can bear it. I can stand uncertainty. I wish there were guarantees, but there is only probability.
22.I can assess probability and make a decision without needing a guarantee I am making the right decision and see how things turn out. I can bear uncertainty and take calculated risks. Life is full of calculated risks.
23.I wish Utopias existed but they do not. The world as it is and not as I want it to ideally be. I can choose never to disturb myself about the realities of life.
24.I wish there were ideal solutions to life’s difficult problems but there does not have to be ideal solutions to life’s difficult problems. I will accept there are always advantages and disadvantages to any course of action. I will not disturb myself over the disadvantages of the course of action I pick.
25.I accept that there is a price to be paid for achievement. I wish I could achieve my goals without paying this price but it does not follow that goals must be achieved without paying a price. I accept the price of achievement.
26.I want approval from significant others, but I never need it. I can unconditionally accept myself with or without their approval.
27.I will seek approval from others for the practical benefits such approval will yield to me. I will NEVER seek approval from others to feel good about myself.
28.Self-acceptance is my human right and a choice I am always FREE to make.
29.Perfection and utopias do not exist. I upset myself when I demand perfection of myself, others and life itself. Perfection does not exist in reality. I will refuse to make myself miserable by demanding perfection.
30.Pain is part of life, but suffering is optional. I create my emotional suffering by demanding and commanding like a two-year-old that things be as I wish them to be. I am entitled to my wishes, but people and life NEVER have to conform to my wishes.
31.I will keep my wishes and wants but give up my absolute musts.
32.I will maintain my healthy attitudes through daily rational fitness training. Repetition is the mother of learning. When I backslide, it does not mean I cannot change it only means I require more practice.
33.I have many wants but no absolute needs.
34.I CAN and WILL accept what I cannot change.