REBT is a philosophy aiming to minimize emotional disturbance and maximize happiness. REBT philosophy teaches people to be responsible for their lives and lead self-directed lives to achieve these hedonistic aims. Rather than count on others, learn to count on yourself. People are creatures of habit. If we habitually allow ourselves to rely on others to do for us, we will be at the mercy of others and not maximize our happiness. Make a habit of implementing Dr. Windy Dryden’s saying, “If it is going to be, it is up to me.” making personal responsibility a habit becomes easier over time. As time passes, you develop confidence in taking care of yourself and striving for the things you want.
Scientific Thinking and Emotional Responsibility
REBT teaches scientific thinking. Applying scientific reasoning habitually to everyday affairs takes more effort than reacting with unbridled emotion, but it pays dividends. Take responsibility for your reactions to life’s challenges and your dealings with others rather than blame external factors for your upset. Take time to pause and think about your responses. You don’t have mechanical levers, which external forces push and pull to make you upset. You have your hands on the levers of your emotions and how your respond behaviorally. Make it a habit to delay your reaction long enough to choose a self-helping attitude and emotional and behavioral response in any given situation.
You are Not the Center of the Universe
Appreciate that you are not the center of the universe but part of the universe. You may be unique, but you are not special. Get in the habit of displaying tolerance and acceptance. Remember that others will not do your bidding because they have goals and desires of their own. Get in the habit of giving and taking rather than demanding that things always have to be your way. Learn to wait.
Make Flexible Thinking a Habit
Make it a habit to practice flexible thinking. Commit to spotting your absolutistic reasoning and stick with preferential, conditional, and logical reasoning. Here are some examples:
My friend must give back to me as much as I give to them. (Absolutistic reasoning)
I want my friend to give back to me as much as I give them, but they do not have to do so. We all define fairness differently. Each of us has different goals, desires, and energy levels for giving in a relationship. Take people as they are and avoid trying to mold them into what you think they (absolutely) should be. Make unconditional other acceptance a habit. (Flexible thinking)
Because I am tired and want to get home, my flight must be on time. (Absolutistic thinking)
Even though I am exhausted and strongly prefer that my flight be on time, it does not follow that it must be. When you travel by air, there are sometimes delays. Make unconditional life acceptance a habit, and you will respond to the vagaries of life with healthy disappointment and annoyance. (Preferential thinking)
Earning a law degree from a top law school must not involve such a sacrifice of time and effort. (Absolutistic reasoning)
If I want to get a law degree from a top law school, I will have to accept I will have to spend a good deal of my years studying in the library. Things that are difficult to earn take effort and time to achieve. This relationship between effort and reward is how life works. I had better have a mature attitude toward my goals. I will make realistic thinking about the costs of my goals a habit. (Conditional reasoning)
People must not be so nasty. (Absolutistic reasoning)
Even though I treat people nicely, it does not follow that they must treat me nicely. I will make controlling my reaction to people my habitual response rather than demanding that they treat me nicely. People will act the way they want, not the way I want. (Logical reasoning)
Strive to make implementing the philosophy of REBT a habit. Practice its core ideas of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other acceptance, and unconditional life acceptance day in and day out. Habitually accept yourself, others, and life. Make it a habit to pause and think about your thinking, then assume a flexible and non-extreme stance before you react. Life is hard. We all want life to be less painful and frustrating. REBT can make your life experience less painful, but you must make an effort to use the scientific thinking of REBT habitually. People are creatures of habit. Make the practice of REBT philosophy your habit. Keep at it.