Once it happened, it had to happen – the Logic of Acceptance

In REBT, I teach you to understand that once an undesirable occurrence occurs in life, the philosophically sound and most helpful way to think about it is that it (absolutely) should have happened because it did. It could not have occurred, but sadly, this adverse event did occur. Once an unwelcome set of circumstances unfolds, it is logical and wise to acknowledge that this is what had to happen. All the conditions were such that what occurred, regardless of how dispreferred it might be to you, had to occur. This outcome was your destiny to face, and you will only create emotional turmoil for yourself by imagining an alternative, desirable outcome and insisting and demanding that the alternative circumstances be, in fact, those that you face. To reason that because the imagined result is more to your liking, it (absolutely) should be your reality is a non sequitur. The conclusion that an unfortunate event (absolutely) should not exist does not follow from your unstated premise because the event is not to your liking. Your imaginary preferred view is ludicrous when examined closely. An essential step towards accepting what occurred is to appreciate this logic.

The Unknown Conditions of Life

Humans may not be capable of stating all the conditions that led to an undesirable event, how those events came into being, and the reason for their existence. Gaining this knowledge could help prevent future negative occurrences. However, from the standpoint of accepting what occurred, it is unnecessary to articulate all the conditions or how they came into existence. The conditions existed; it was a perfect storm, and the event happened! REBT is not taking a deterministic view of the future and your efforts to create conditions that prevent adverse events from happening or lead to favorable outcomes in the future. However, once something comes into being, it has to be. This reasoning applies to both good and bad events and circumstances. If you won the lottery, the conditions were right for hitting the jackpot rather than you not having the winning numbers. Likewise, if you were born with a genetic defect that leads to a disease, all the conditions were right for this too to be your fate. You can do your best to control any conditions that might impact the expression of that genetic defect and delay the onset of disease, but in the final analysis, being born with that genetic defect (absolutely) should have occurred simply because it did. That is what happened, and you will carry your undeserved burden if you achieve a state of acceptance of your misfortune.

Avoiding Adding to Your Burden

If you wish to avoid adding to your burdens when encountering misfortune, use the reasoning I have outlined here. Do not allow yourself the luxury of thinking that something you preferred (absolutely) should have occurred because you wanted it to happen. It’s too bad that favorable conditions in life do not exist simply because we desire them to exist. What a utopian world would exist if this were a law of the universe! Remind yourself that you can only contribute to an outcome before an outcome occurs. Once the moment has arrived that life reveals what is in store for you to face, you can wisely accept your fate or self-defeatingly demand that this is not how things were “supposed to be.” That will only lead you to unhealthy emotions such as anger, depression, and all the other unhealthy emotions that only add to your burdens.
The logic outlined here allows for the philosophical acceptance of unwanted events. Keep at it.

Leave a Comment