In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, we speak a good deal about the importance of putting yourself first and other people a close second. We also talk about the value of long-term hedonism, where you maximize pleasure and minimize pain in the long run by delaying pleasure and bearing discomfort in the short run. It is sensible to make this tradeoff when it is worth doing. We also discuss the importance of having a vitally absorbing interest that gives your life meaning, pleasure and structure. One might be inclined to think REBT does not encourage you to be concerned about the well-being of others which we could refer to as having social interest. If you were to assume this, you would be misinformed about the stance REBT takes towards the well-being of others. In REBT, we encourage you, to an appropriate extent, to be aware of and concerned about the plight of others around you. We advocate you do this mainly because this is in your best interest. In the Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, 2nd edition (Ellis & Dryden, 2007), the authors discuss the self-helping nature of being interested in the well-being of others:
Social interest is usually rational and self-helping because
most people choose to live and enjoy themselves in a social group or community. If they do not act morally, protect the rights of others, and abet social survival, it is unlikely that they will create the kind of world in which they themselves can live comfortably and happily (p. 18).
My Primary Interest in Life
My interest in disseminating REBT reflects my efforts in self-interest, social interest, long-term hedonism, and having a vitally absorbing interest. I enjoy teaching people REBT because I have found it exceptionally helpful in managing my reactions to adversity. When I take the time to share what I know with others, I might sacrifice time in the short run that I could spend doing other things, but in the long run, I get rewarded with pleasure and meaning as I witness personal growth in the people I meet through my efforts to teach REBT. My writings, videos, and weekly Saturday conversation sessions on Zoom with people from all over the world structure my life and helps me pass my time and live my life in a meaningful way. I sincerely doubt I will regret the time I spend doing this when I am on my death bed and look back at how I spent my time over the years of my life.
You, too, will profit significantly from being capable of putting yourself first, others a close second, and having social interest. Furthermore, you will maximize pleasure and minimize pain by delaying gratification and learning to make short-term sacrifices. Finally, having a vitally absorbing interest structures your life in meaningful and pleasurable ways. Cultivate attitudes that allow you to live this way and stay the course to make the most of your life. Experiment to find your vitally absorbing interests which may range from building a business, having a family, coaching youth sports teams, volunteerism, cooking new recipes and ways of cooking, writing, learning to play a musical instrument, creating art or political activism. It is essential to find your vitally absorbing interest or interests and the best way to do that is experiment with different things you believe may suit you. Stay with them until you can make an accurate decision to abandon an experimental interest in favor of trying a new interest. Developing the skill required to experience pleasure in an activity sometimes takes time. You can bear the discomfort of staying the course to determine if the activity will suit you in the long run. Your vitally interests may change over time and that is fine. As you grow as a person, so will your interests change and evolve. Life is flux and allow yourself to try new things to keep life interesting.
My Second Interest
The purpose of today’s piece is to discuss a social interest of mine of a political nature. Although I do not generally mix politics with the teaching of REBT, I will deviate today because this matters very much to me. In doing so, I believe I am keeping within the philosophy of REBT while teaching about REBT’s recommendations of social interest and long-term hedonism. In my view, I can wade into these waters because REBT is both philosophical and against absolutistic thinking. Where is it written I (absolutely) must not touch on political matters? In today’s piece, I shall touch on a political issue. I am deeply concerned about this issue and believe you (ideally) should be because this matter can eventually impact everyone’s long-term well-being. This deep concern of mine is the war in Ukraine.
The scale of the suffering occurring daily in this needless and unlawful war is extremely hard to witness. Mr. Putin regularly targets civilians making much of the country uninhabitable. Children are dying with no regard for their innocence. The Russians have used barbaric cluster bombs to cover up torturing prisoners and terrorize civilians. Russian soldiers rape women, Ukraine priests are being tortured when they are unwilling to spread Russian propaganda, and millions of people are being displaced and losing all that they own. If this were not sufficient to cause you to feel interested in this war, then consider the risk of a catastrophic nuclear accident occurring due to Russia’s use of a nuclear plant as a garrison. Ideally, people worldwide should be experiencing grave concern and healthy anger over all of these acts. The scale of the pain is unimaginable and extends beyond Ukraine’s borders. We all (preferably) should want this war to stop as soon as possible, but sadly it is far from over. The question is, will the goodwill and support of people outside of Ukraine hold for the time it takes to push the Russians out of Ukraine and affirm that unlawful aggression will not be tolerated by people who enjoy personal liberty? The answer to this critical question is the great unknown.
As we in the West either lose interest or fatigue from sacrifice, the danger of a widening conflict is a significant concern that (ideally) should help us maintain motivation to continue to stand shoulder to shoulder in our support with the Ukrainians. History has taught us that tyranny does not stop at a border. If we allow Mr. Putin to have his way with Ukraine, other countries in the region could very well be his next conquest in the not-too-distant future. Mr. Putin was not satisfied with annexing Crimea, and his ego and appetite for wealth and power are not likely to be satiated with annexing southern Ukraine. History has taught us that Hitler was unsatisfied with his initial conquests and had ambitious plans for European domination. Thankfully brave and forward-thinking people came together and made considerable sacrifices to end his tyrannical plans. In psychology, we often say the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. We know Mr. Putin’s past behavior and had better not forget it.
The Ukraine people are fighting for their lives, their homeland, and quite possibly the lives and freedom of people well beyond their borders. I think supporting their effort to defend themselves is in everyone’s self-interest. It is painful for Western Europeans and Americans to use less energy, tolerate inflation, and send billions of dollars, euros, and weapons to Ukraine, as so many democratic countries are in the process of doing. Doing this is an investment in democracy and the security of those willing to face the facts of history. Tolerate aggression, and aggression continues. Stand up to aggression, and we can reestablish peace. Doing this may be very painful and costly in the short term, but it is in everyone’s long-term best interest and less painful than taking the easier way out.
I have read money, and weapon systems promised to Ukraine are painfully slow to get there. Ukraine needs money now, not tomorrow, and is printing money to make ends meet until Western funds make their way through bureaucratic red tape. While the West fiddles, Rome burns.
The research in positive psychology shows us that we boost our moods when we do something to help another person. I know that little differences add up. I say this to patients in therapy all day long. Both of these ideas apply to Ukraine. If each of us reading this email help in a small way, a significant impact can occur. I ask you to consider making a small, one-time donation to Ukraine. Even if your government has pledged billions of dollars or euros, your small personal donation of as little as $5 to $10 can significantly help. The President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, launched UNITED24 as the main venue for collecting charitable donations in support of Ukraine. Funds will be transferred to the official accounts of the National Bank of Ukraine and efficiently allocated by assigned ministries to cover the most pressing needs. By making a small sacrifice in the form of a small donation today, not tomorrow, you affirm your social interest. You will feel good that your actions are consistent with your long-term values. Most importantly, please make no mistake, you will also contribute to your long-term interest to reestablish peace and security in that region and guard it for your part of the world. Please consider a small donation by clicking on the link found here: https://u24.gov.ua
Small contributions of $5 to $10 add up! Let us not fatigue in our resolve to do what is in everyone’s best interest in the long run. Remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Mr. Putin go home.
Reference:
Ellis, A., & Dryden, W. (2007). The Practice of Rational Emotive Therapy (2nd ed.). Springer.