When you are having a negative emotional or behavioral response to a negative state of affairs, stop and ask yourself:
Am I reacting to this negative state of affairs with a healthy or unhealthy emotional and behavioral response?
What are my many different goals in this situation, and is my response undermining my chances of obtaining them?
Is my emotional response going to help me change what I can change?
If I cannot immediately change it, will my emotional response lead me to ruminate or live well with the negative state of affairs?
If you determine that you are reacting with unhealthy emotional upset, take out a piece of paper and use the below outline to do self-therapy and work your way through an ABCDE analysis to get in a healthy state of mind:
A = Adversity
B = Basic Attitude
What is my rigid attitude?
Is there an accompanying extreme attitude that comes from it?
(Pick from the below list and modify them if necessary by adding particular content):
Three Rigid Attitudes (musts):
I must be outstandingly achievable and lovable!
Other people must treat me kindly and fairly!
My living conditions must be comfortable and gratifying!
Derivative Extreme Attitudes:
I cannot stand this!
It is awful!
I am a failure!
You are a bad person!
Life is totally rotten!
C = Emotional and Behavioral Consequential Response:
D = Disputing
Functional Dispute: How does my rigid “must” attitude and any accompanying extreme attitude undermine me from changing what I can or living well with what I cannot?
Empirical Dispute: What evidence shows my rigid attitude and any accompanying extreme attitude to be false to the facts?
Logical Dispute: Does my rigid attitude and accompanying extreme attitudes logically follow my preference?
Teach a Child Dispute: Would I teach a child my rigid attitude and any accompanying extreme attitudes? If I would not, why would I not do so?
E: Effective New Attitude
What could I change my rigid attitude into such that I can change what I can change efficiently and live well and in a healthy state with what I cannot change?
In other words, what flexible, adaptive attitude could I adopt to replace my unhealthy attitudes?
Congratulations on doing self-therapy! You have completed an ABCDE analysis. Even if you made mistakes through this self-therapy process, chances are you derived some therapeutic benefit. If you continue to use this process every time you upset yourself, you will get better at it. You will get expert at it if you watch me on Saturdays go through this process with a volunteer. I demonstrate this process every Saturday during the Rational Emotive Behavioral Conversation Hour.