In 1956 Albert Ellis gave an important address at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association. In this seminal address, he outlined twelve ideas that cause emotional disturbance and human misery. Until this time, Freud’s approach, and variants of orthodox Freudian theory, dominated psychotherapy. Ellis introduced a new paradigm that was to usher in what we now know as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).
This post is the sixth of twelve successive posts. In each of these posts, I will quote the twelve ideas identified by Ellis in his 1956 address, one at a time, and show how they are still relevant today and further discuss them. If these ideas are corrected, you are likely to experience a healthier emotional life.
Idea #6: The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities – instead of the idea that the so-called easy way is invariably the much harder way in the long run and that the only way to solve difficult problems is to face them squarely.
This idea embodies a central principle of REBT, which is called discomfort tolerance. Ellis argued that our main goals in life were to survive and experience happiness. He aimed to create a new therapy to maximize the chances of achieving these two main goals by adopting flexible and nonextreme thinking about adversity and the choices we have in life. In the above idea from the 1956 address, we see the seeds of what later becomes known in REBT as discomfort tolerance. Modern REBT theory and philosophy teach that to maximize life’s pleasure, a fundamental goal in life, it is necessary to tolerate short-term discomfort. Ellis noticed that many of his patients thought it was “too hard” to face life’s difficulties and often opted for an easier path. He saw this tendency as one form of emotional disturbance that all humans have in some way or another. Ellis referred to it as “discomfort disturbance” or short-term hedonism. To help patients reverse this pattern, he encouraged his patients to discipline their minds to “bear discomfort” when it was to their advantage to do so. It is important to note that we see this as a fundamental aspect of human nature. I wish to emphasize how REBT posits that all humans have discomfort disturbance to a greater or lesser extent in one area of life or another. It is our nature to want to remain comfortable, resist having to expend effort to achieve goals and to upset ourselves about the price of goal achievement. This idea factors into the onset and maintenance of addictions and other self-defeating behavior. Discomfort disturbance also leads to procrastination. Furthermore, it is a useful concept in understanding and remedying different indulgence patterns like living beyond one’s means or engaging in temper tantrums when people and life frustrate us.
REBT goes beyond simple labeling of the phenomena of short-term hedonism and indulgence and shows people how to minimize this self-defeating tendency significantly and engage in long-term hedonistic behavior. Effectively addressing one’s discomfort disturbance involves changing our fundamental philosophy that lies at the core of such self-limiting behavior. People often hold rigid and extreme attitudes about states of deprivation and discomfort. Here some examples of attitudes which underpin discomfort disturbance and the associated self-defeating behavior:
- I have to escape states of discomfort immediately, even when this undermines my long-term goals. I cannot bear to be uncomfortable for very long.
- I must not deprive myself of pleasure and miss out on immediate satisfaction. Delayed gratification or deprivation of satisfaction is too hard to bear.
- Other people must keep me comfortable or not disturb my comfort and do what I want. I cannot tolerate their blocking me in the pursuit of my goals and my comfort.
- Life should be easy, pleasurable, secure, and predictable. I cannot stand when life is hard, unpleasant, insecure, and uncertain. These states are too uncomfortable to bear.
- The goals I covet should not require significant effort sustained over time.
In REBT, we teach you the powerful technique of “disputing” or thinking critically about the attitudes you hold. We encourage you to question the truthfulness and utility of the attitudes responsible for your discomfort disturbance. This analysis inevitably yields two crucial insights. First, the above attitudes are false to the facts. Second, they lead to dysfunctional behavior. I now suggest that you go back and examine the above five examples of low discomfort tolerance attitudes specified above. Attempt to see how closer examination reveals that they are false to the facts. Consider how they will inevitably lead to self-defeating behavior as you attempt to achieve goals. Compare the above discomfort intolerance attitudes to the five-corresponding flexible, and nonextreme discomfort tolerance attitudes found below:
- I want to escape states of discomfort immediately, but I will choose not to run when this undermines my long-term goals because I do not have to escape states of discomfort. There is no evidence to support the idea I have to escape such states and that I cannot bear discomfort when it is worth doing so in the long run. When it is worth it in the long-run, I will acknowledge the discomfort that I am experiencing, but I will also remind myself I can bear this discomfort. Discomfort in the service of my long-term goals will not kill me. I am both willing to tolerate this discomfort and commit to tolerating discomfort when it helps me maximize pleasure in life by achieving my goals.
- I certainly do not want to deprive myself of pleasure and miss out on immediate satisfaction, but sometimes this will be required to do what maximizes pleasure in the long run. It is false to the facts to think I must not deprive myself of pleasure or miss out on immediate satisfaction. Delayed gratification or deprivation of pleasure is sometimes very hard to bear but not impossible to tolerate. No one ever died of enduring discomfort in the service of achieving longer-term goals. I am willing to withstand this discomfort and commit to doing so to maximize my pleasure in life. I see the value of disciplining my mind and commit to adopting long term-hedonist attitudes.
- It would be nice if other people kept me comfortable or did not disturb my comfort and always did what I want them to do, but it is not the case that they must do so. It is uncomfortable when people acting on their free will block me in the pursuit of my goals and comfort, but it is not unbearable when this occurs. Tolerating people and finding solutions to the blocks they place in front of me is something I can bear, and willing to bear to change what I can change. When I cannot influence others, I will accept them unconditionally without disturbing myself that their actions lead to my state of discomfort or deprivation. I commit to choosing a healthy emotional reaction to such people and their frustrating actions.
- I wish life would be easy, pleasurable, secure, and predictable, but unfortunately, it is not always this way and does not have to be so. There are no utopias, and the real world is sometimes difficult, unpleasant, insecure, and uncertain. During these times, life will be relatively less comfortable but not unbearable. I can stand when life is hard, unpleasant, and uncertain. I will bear this discomfort better if I have a realistic attitude towards such conditions of life. I will adopt this attitude and commit to doing so to develop unconditional acceptance of life. I can choose to have some happiness or, at the very least, not be miserable when life is hard, unpleasant, insecure, and uncertain.
- I wish that the goals I covet did not require significant effort sustained over time, but unfortunately, that is reality, and I will accept the price of achievement. Upsetting myself over the required effort to attain them will not help me initiate and maintain the effort required to achieve these crucial goals. Goals require a degree of sweat, and that is too bad but tolerable.
In REBT, we encourage you to expend effort in the short run so that you experience greater pleasure and less pain in the long run. Breaking the avoidance of discomfort habit is hard. We often become well-practiced at choosing the easy path in certain areas of life. The best way to overcome this self-defeating habit is to accept yourself with the self-defeating tendency to take the easy path at the expense of greater pleasure. Downing yourself for being “lazy” or “impulsively indulgent” will not help you change your behavior. Next, be sure you start to think critically about your philosophy of short-term hedonism. Admit to yourself the price you are paying or will pay for your indulgence and avoidance of discomfort. Feel healthy concern for your indulgent behavior. Use that concern to help you think critically every time you hold an “I cannot bear it” or “It is too hard” attitude towards worthy goals. Create a healthy attitude like “this effort is hard but not unbearable. I can stand making this effort. I will bear the discomfort to accomplish my goal and commit to making this effort. In the end, I will be glad I made an effort and sustained the effort.” Speak forcefully to yourself, “It is uncomfortable, NOT unbearable…” and do not give up on change. When you are brushing your teeth in the morning, remind yourself that you will face the discomfort tolerance fork in the road later in the day. Prepare yourself to do what is best in the long run at the tempting moment. Then when you are brushing your teeth at night, review how you handled discomfort that day. Recommit to “bearing discomfort tomorrow when it is worthwhile to do so.” Do this morning and evening meditation every day when brushing your teeth to discipline your thinking to bear the discomfort of making an effort to maximize pleasure in life.
Discomfort disturbance lurks within all of us and does not quickly and easily yield to rational thinking. Much practice is required. Accept this aspect of your nature as an imperfect human. Remind yourself that you will not achieve your potential and miss out on greater pleasure unless you embrace the challenge of confronting your low discomfort tolerance. Commit to a lifelong effort to discipline your mind to adopt healthier attitudes when you are at the fork in the road between the easy and the more challenging paths. Keep working with yourself and use REBT philosophy to modify your behavior. In time you will make progress. Sometimes you will backslide into old bad habits. This too is your nature as a human being. Do not down yourself when you backslide. Just recommit to better effort in the future. If you keep after yourself, you will make sustainable headway. REBT philosophy works when you work at it!
Bottomline: Assume you can bear considerably more discomfort in the service of your goals than you may initially think you can. This assumption will serve you well.
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