In 1956 Albert Ellis gave an important address at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association. In this seminal address, he outlined twelve ideas that cause emotional disturbance and human misery. Until this time, Freud’s approach, and variants of orthodox Freudian theory, dominated psychotherapy. Ellis introduced a new paradigm that was to usher in what we now know as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).
This email is the fifth of twelve successive Intermittent Reinforcement email messages. In each of these messages, I will quote the twelve ideas identified by Ellis in his 1956 address, one at a time, and show how they are still relevant today and further discuss them. If these ideas are corrected, you are likely to experience a healthier emotional life.
Idea #5: The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome one should be terribly concerned about it – instead of the idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome one should frankly face it and, when that is impossible, think of other things and stop telling oneself what a terrible situation one is or may be in.
This idea is as relevant today as it was as in 1956 due to the Covid-19 pandemic and the threats and losses associated with it. Illness or death to ourselves and our loved ones are possibilities for both the young and the old. There is real danger out there, and there is only so much we can do to protect ourselves and our loved ones. There is also the fear of the new normal. We may not return to the jobs we once had because the business or industry we worked in was decimated by the economic slowdown that stems from the pandemic. We may not be sure of how we will make a living and meet our financial obligations in the future.
In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, we distinguish between self-helping negative emotions like concern and self-defeating negative emotions like anxiety, worry, and panic. Concern is a self-helping negative emotion because it mobilizes us to take action and work to solve our problems creatively. While under the influence of concern we will try to change what we can change and will function effectively. We can still have some degree of enjoyment despite the threat of danger, the uncertainty, and inconvenience that we face. Anxiety, worry, and panic are self-defeating emotions. We tend to avoid addressing the problem, we have greater difficulty thinking creatively and engaging in problem-solving, and we may very well abuse drugs or alcohol to distract ourselves from our worry. We may constantly think about the threats to our well-being or changes and adaptations that need to be made to survive. While we worry, we have difficulty not thinking about our problems and enjoying life while the threats exist.
In 1956 Ellis uses the term “term terribly concerned” about a dangerous or fearsome thing, but he is actually talking about what we now refer to as worry and anxiety. REBT teaches you healthy attitudes that allow you not to make yourself worried and obsessed about danger while leaving you poised and motivated to take protective action. Such self-helping attitudes include:
- I wish this dangerous or fearsome situation did not exist, but unfortunately, it does, and worry does not help me prepare to cope with it. Life does not have to be as safe and predictable as I want it to be.
- The threats to my health and my job are not to be taken lightly, and therefore I will identify what is under my control and what is beyond my control. My choice of attitude towards danger, uncertainty, and the inconvenience of the new normal is well under my control. I commit to doing what I can to adapt and help myself cope with whatever comes to pass.
- It is uncomfortable, not unbearable, to adapt to the new normal. Whether that means working virtually or working in another industry or job, I can bear the discomfort of adapting and will do so. The best person to care for me and look out for my health, safety, and financial well-being is me. This pandemic is forcing adaptation, and my rigidity, low tolerance for change, and idealism will undermine my ability to adapt to reality as it is. My idealism will jeopardize my ability to adapt during and after this pandemic.
- This pandemic is potentially dangerous to me, but things could be worse. Let me do a simple exercise. Let me imagine people who would trade places with me and gladly accept my problems in exchange for me taking on theirs. Let me reflect on this to help keep myself emotionally healthy and psychologically adaptive. Remembering that many other people have worse conditions to cope with than I do will likely help me adapt to the problems I face. My problems are quite challenging but not as bad as they could become. Let me acknowledge that and count my blessings.
The rational, flexible, adaptive thinking that REBT teaches you to cultivate and strengthen is not easy to do. I recognize this. However, first, see that humans have two competing tendencies. One tendency is to upset ourselves and defeat our ends, and the other is to reason, remain poised, problem-solve, and adapt to difficult challenges. We are a natural problem-solving species. Problem-solving is life whether we like it or not. It also is our nature to want to avoid difficult threats, challenges, and inconveniences. Change is often very hard. It is essential to acknowledge that you can adapt and change, even if it is uncomfortable to do so.
You will have less difficulty adapting and changing to if you use the philosophy and strategies of REBT. Here is a quick review:
- Regularly use the ABC model of REBT to cope and adapt. Our basic attitudes at point B determine our adaptive or maladaptive responses at point C. The grim adversity we face or could face at some point in the future is not our emotional destiny. Our attitudes make a big difference.
- Control what you can control. Identify this as well as what is outside of your control. Take responsibility for your attitude towards adversity.
- Identify your rigid attitudes. The three basic rigid attitudes are: 1. I must do well, 2. People must treat me nicely, 3. Life must be easy, secure and comfortable.
- Ask critical philosophical questions aimed at these rigid ideas. See that they are false to the facts, lead to maladaptive responses and that you can choose to replace them with healthy preferences, which you can cultivate, strengthen, and live by through practice.
- Identify extreme attitudes like “this bad event is awful, terrible, and the end of the world.”
- Ask evaluative philosophical questions like “Yes, it is quite bad and challenging. However, is it the end of the world? How could things be worse? Do others have it worse than I do? How do they seem to cope? What attitude will help me live in this world of adversity and uncertainty?”
- Create a healthy attitude and repeat it regularly. Every morning briefly meditate and prepare for the adversity you may encounter later in the day.
- At the end of each day, do an evening meditation where you identify how you thought and behaved rationally in the face of adversity and what attitude you used to do so. Also, remember where you could have done better. Look for one of those three rigid attitudes that REBT hypothesizes lies at the core of emotional disturbance.
- Keep choosing to accept yourself unconditionally. See that downing yourself only demoralizes you and does not help you meet adversity, change, and self-actualize.
- Keep working on accepting life and other people unconditionally, even when life is hard and unjust, and when people are mistreating you.
I will close by underscoring that REBT asks a great deal of you. Taking responsibility for your thinking and emotional reactions is not easy. REBT may not be for everyone. REBT philosophy is one of self-responsibility and effort in the face of adversity. It is a philosophy that emphasizes choice and reason. If you choose to practice and work at the philosophy of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, it will pay dividends. You can maintain your poise and not worry yourself or panic yourself as you face the pandemic, possible illness or death, or job loss. This philosophy will enable you to have the required flexibility and discomfort tolerance to take whatever steps are required to adapt and to survive. Choose your philosophy carefully as it profoundly influences how you live your life and how well you adapt to change.
Saturday Rational Emotive Behavioral Zoom Conversation hour 9 AM Eastern, 1 PM GMT, 1 PM UTC:
If you enjoyed and profited from this piece, you may also wish to attend my Saturday Zoom Conversation hour. This Zoom meeting is an opportunity to observe me discuss implementing these philosophical ideas with a volunteer who elects to share a real problem. These Saturday Zoom Conversation hours are free of charge to attend. You can select to volunteer to discuss a problem with me, or you may choose to merely witness the conversation I have with someone else and then submit any questions you have about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Go here to learn how to receive the Zoom Invitation:
https://rebtdoctor.com/rational-emotive-behavioral-weekly-zoom-conversation-hour.html