Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November. Families customarily come together to share a feast to celebrate a bountiful harvest, give thanks for their blessings, and reaffirm interpersonal emotional connections. Unfortunately, it can be a day of pain for many people. Sadly, not everyone is in a position to enjoy the day with their loved ones. Some people may be alone and not with those they long to be with on this day of gratitude.
Start with Unconditional Self-Acceptance
For those who have no family or are estranged from their loved ones, this can be a tough day to experience. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy’s philosophy of unconditional self, other, and life acceptance will help you withstand the emotional challenge you face. Start with unconditional self-acceptance. Avoid defining yourself as lesser because you are alone while others gather with their families. Stick with the facts. Yes, you have no one to celebrate the day with, but that does not mean you must define yourself as a lesser person. You can define yourself as an imperfect person with both blessings and disadvantages. Push yourself to consider all the facts. Although it may be true that you are deprived of an invitation to enjoy dinner with loved ones, this does not mean you cannot count your blessings; you do not have to evaluate your situation in an extreme, self-harming way. Although, unfortunately, you do not have the opportunity to be with those you love, it does not mean you must be depressed. You can keep your wish to be with family and acknowledge your sadness, but accept that you will not get all you wish for. Think of practical ways you can enjoy the day. Will you go to the movies, do a project in the house you have been putting off, work on your autobiography, or prepare your favorite meal and watch a movie or two? Make plans before the day and structure how you spend the day. Do not lie in bed thinking of the past or other people’s good fortune to celebrate with family. Look forward, not backward. Spend time reading REBT or listening to pre-recorded presentations on REBTDoctor.com to help you maintain a healthy, anti-misery mindset throughout the day. Choose to stubbornly refuse to be miserable about your predicament and do what it takes to make the most of the day. Be your own good company. Find something to be grateful for and discipline your mind to count the blessings you do have. REBT’s prescription of unconditional self-acceptance with self-reliance may be challenging, but your goal is to avoid self-pity, self-loathing, guilt, and shame. Accept yourself and the predicament you find yourself in, and then strive to make the best of the day.
Cultivate Unconditional Acceptance of Others and Life
To enhance your anti-misery psychological state, cultivate the mindset of unconditional acceptance of others and life. Yes, you may be rejected or estranged from family members you wish to spend the day with but accept them with their decision to keep a distance. They are fallible humans and are choosing to reject you. They have a right to do what they are doing even if you see it as unfair, cruel, etc. Your children, siblings, and friends do not have to accept you, approve of you, or show you love in the way you would like them to. Unfortunately, people will reject each other for both “good” and “unfair” reasons. People will do what they want and view things from their vantage point. They do not have to treat you nicely or see things as you see them. Push yourself not to anger yourself over their decision to remain apart from you. Keep your wish that they would be reasonable and choose to let bygones be bygones; they are fallible humans who have not learned to show you unconditional acceptance. Sadly, the universe does not compel humans to give each other grace.
Finally, cultivate unconditional life acceptance for this difficult day. Holidays can be a part of life that is challenging or dispreferred, but they are only one part of an event, namely your life. Your life is a flowing mix of good, neutral, and difficult days. Keep this in mind. Life does not have to be easy. Remind yourself of this and accept that you will find it hard sometimes. Look for the good within the bad. Something good usually lies with the bad events of life. This good can be challenging to pinpoint, but it is generally there. It is up to you to find it.
Coping statements:
I wish I were with certain loved ones on Thanksgiving, but unfortunately, all the conditions are such that I will not be with those I love. Things today do not have to be as I want them to be. I can unconditionally accept myself, those loved ones I wish I were present with, and life. Life is in flux, and at least for today, I am not with others. Things may change one day, and I may get what I wish, which is to restore my relationship with others. I will strive to make the most of my day, even if challenging. My healthy sadness does not have to be all-consuming. I am not celebrating Thanksgiving with those I wish I were and may be alone, but it does not follow that I have no emotional choice in how I feel today. I still can be thankful for my blessings. I can refuse to make myself miserable and pity myself. Although this may be challenging, it is a practical and self-helping approach that will work if I choose this path.
Homework:
Write a few coping statements from today’s article on an index card. Post these ideas in a few places in your home. Refer to them before, during, and after Thanksgiving. Remind yourself that you can stubbornly refuse to be miserable about anything, yes, anything, if you use your REBT philosophy. You can control your emotional destiny.