Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.
Epictetus
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) can make you impervious to insults. Many people will respond to an insult by either sulking (the behavior that goes with feeling hurt) or verbal aggression (the behavior that goes with anger). What makes us vulnerable to insults is a rigid attitude towards how others think and treat us. It is understandable to want to be respected, but when we hold the rigid attitude “I must be respected” or “This person must not say such things to me or call me hurtful names,” we are emotionally vulnerable to others. REBT derives from Stoic philosophy, and Epictetus in the Enchiridion points out that our reputation is beyond our control. What others say and do also is beyond our control. What is well within our control is how we think and react to an insulting remark.
The Principle of Emotional Responsibility with Unconditional Self-Acceptance
My recommendation for effectively responding to perceived slights and insults is to use it as an opportunity to practice REBT’s Principle of Emotional Responsibility and as an opportunity for cultivating unconditional self-acceptance and unconditional other-acceptance. Hold a flexible attitude for respect and due regard from others, such as “I want the respect of others, but I do not need it. I can choose to accept myself with or without their respect or due regard.” You certainly can choose to accept yourself regardless of what someone may say to you or how they might refer to you. What that other person is saying is only words in the air. You need not anger yourself by demanding not to be spoken to in that way. You can focus on self-acceptance to protect yourself from the insult.
You also can choose to unconditionally accept the other person who has tested you with an insult. Fallible humans will show disrespect and say things that are potentially hurtful because they are fallible. The universe permits this sort of thing. You do not have to like what they say but show them unconditional other-acceptance nonetheless. Do this for you and them. Sidestep the insult with unconditional self-acceptance and unconditional-other acceptance. Choose to control what is entirely under your control and give up the self-defeating strategy of trying to control other people. In the end, you will be glad you practiced acceptance and modeled it for others. You can do it. Refuse to disturb yourself when others make hurtful remarks.