In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) we point out that it is healthy and actually helpful to feel certain negative emotions. Here is the REBT list of healthy negative emotions:
- Concern
- Sadness
- Remorse
- Disappointment and displeasure
- Sorrow
- Healthy anger and annoyance
- Healthy jealousy
- Healthy envy
Depending upon the situation you will feel one of these emotions if you have a preference, desire, wish or want that goes unfulfilled. REBT theory argues that when you have a thwarted desire and hold a preferential philosophy but truly acknowledge that there is no absolute law or rule that says this hassle/problem/adversity must not exist you will feel a negative emotion. For example, you will feel one of these unhealthy emotions if you think “I strongly prefer to avoid this hassle/problem/adversity but sadly I cannot and there is no absolute law of the universe that says this hassle/problem/adversity must not exist for me. Too bad.”
In REBT healthy negative emotions are good because they push us to change what we can change. I always tell my patients that “Concern is my favorite negative emotion. It gets me to do all the things I do not feeling like doing.” This is an important point. When you give up the infamous Musturbation of REBT and the Low Frustration Tolerance do not expect to immediately feel joy, happiness, and contentment. REBT teaches you first to be undisturbed about adversity. Once you assume a rational stance you will feel appropriately sorry, displeased, concerned, annoyed etc. These emotions will propel you to take action.
Once you are steadily working at changing what can be changed you may feel joy, happiness, and contentment under some conditions. You will feel joy and happiness when you finally change what can be changed. You may also feel joy and happiness as you adopt a long term positive mission in life and steadily work at it. Contentment may come as you accept what cannot be changed and choose to be happy despite not having all that you want.
REBT encourages you to first learn how to not be disturbed about adversity and to feel those healthy negative emotions. Then as you are undisturbed but feeling healthy negative emotions you can work on your long term mission of pleasure. As you work to achieve this longer term goal you may stumble upon happiness. Good luck!