“Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison. Well, then it isn’t one to you, since nothing is really good or bad in itself—it’s all what a person thinks about it. And to me, Denmark is a prison.“
Hamlet (Act 2, Scene 2)
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy can be useful at this time of the year when we are coming in contact with family members during holiday gatherings. One event that can spoil a family gather is an insult. Many people will respond to an insult by either sulking (the behavior that goes with feeling hurt) or verbal aggression (the behavior that goes with the feeling of anger).
My recommendation for effectively responding to perceived slights and insults is to use this as an opportunity to practice unconditional self-acceptance AND unconditional other-acceptance. You certainly can choose to accept yourself regardless of what comes out of the mouth of someone significant to you. What that other person is saying is only words in the air. You need not anger yourself by demanding not to be spoken to in that way. You can focus on self-acceptance to protect you from the insult.
You also can choose to unconditionally accept the other person who has tested you with an insult. Fallible humans will show disrespect and say things that are potentially hurtful because they are fallible. The universe permits this sort of thing. You do not have to like what they say but show them unconditional other acceptance nonetheless. Do this for you, for them and for all the others at the holiday gathering. Sidestep the insult with unconditional self and other acceptance. Choose to control what is fully under your control and give up the self-defeating strategy of trying to control other people. In the end, you will be glad you practiced acceptance and modeled it for others. You can do it. Make the better choice!