In 1956 Albert Ellis gave an important address at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association. In this seminal address, he outlined twelve ideas that cause emotional disturbance and human misery. Until this time, Freud’s approach, and variants of orthodox Freudian theory, dominated psychotherapy. Ellis introduced a new paradigm that was to usher in what we now know as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).
This email is the third of twelve successive Intermittent Reinforcement email messages. In each of these messages, I will quote the twelve ideas identified by Ellis in his 1956 address, one at a time, and show how they are still relevant today and further discuss them. If these ideas are corrected, you are likely to experience a healthier emotional life.
Idea #3: The idea that it is terrible, horrible, and catastrophic when things are not the way one would like them to be — instead of the idea that it is too bad when things are not the way one would like them to be, and one should certainly try to change or control conditions so that they become more satisfactory, but that if changing or controlling uncomfortable situations is impossible, one had better become resigned to their existence and stop telling oneself how awful they are.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is rooted in Stoic philosophy. In the above idea, we can trace a path back 2000 years to Stoicism. In this idea #3, we see Ellis’s emphasis on the value of non-extreme thinking and his suggestion to accept what we cannot change or control. Stoic philosophers taught us that some things are under our control, and other things are outside of our control, such as the presence of a pandemic. The Stoics advocated we work on what is under our control (e.g. wearing masks) and view those things beyond our control as “nothing to us.” Ellis took this Stoic principle, known as the Dichotomy of Control, and taught how to evaluate uncontrollable bad events to cope with them effectively. He encouraged us to adopt attitudes acknowledging the existence of a bad event, which helps us live well with the unwanted event for the time it exists. It is important to note that he also emphasized the possibility of having some pleasure in life despite the continued presence of the adverse event in our lives. Bear in mind that we do not get time back at the end of our lives for the days we spent making ourselves miserable over the course of our lifetime. It is this assumption that even in the face of adversity we can have some degree of happiness that I find particularly appealing and empowering about REBT philosophy.
The words terrible, horrible, and awful mean that a bad event is 100% bad or more than 100% bad. It suggests that nothing could be worse than this terrible, horrible, and awful event. The emotional consequence of this extreme rating is to render us unsane with feelings that defeat us and make our problems worse by undermining our problem-solving ability. Those self-defeating feelings include anger, anxiety, panic, worry, despair, depression, and hopelessness. When under the spell of such extreme thinking and associated self-defeating feelings, we do not adjust or adapt to reality as it currently exists. When we wrongly evaluate an adverse event as terrible, horrible, and awful, not only do we diminish our ability to transcend and surmount it, but we are suggesting no good could come from this bad event. This assumption is false and is quite self-defeating. The extreme rating does not allow us to see what good could come from this challenging event. We can derive good from bad events if our minds are open to this possibility and look for something good to come from the experience of coping with the bad.
I believe that catastrophes exist. For example, the Attack on the World Trade Center of 9/11 was a catastrophe. Different events can be defined as catastrophic. A loved one’s death or the loss of a significant friendship or romantic relationship can be defined as catastrophic to the individual who has suffered the loss. Defining an event as catastrophic is not self-harming per se. However, thinking that such a particular catastrophe absolutely must not happen, nothing could be worse, it is insurmountable, and that no good could possibly come from the event is very self-harming. Sadly catastrophes have and will continue to happen. The world keeps spinning the day after a catastrophe. Although it may be difficult for the person who experienced the loss or adversity to acknowledge when it first happens, life goes on after catastrophes. To transcend a catastrophe you need to see it as bad, very bad, deeply saddening, extremely sad or disappointing, exceptionally difficult, but never quite reaching the threshold of terrible, horrible and awful. These ratings do not match reality because they are extreme. Terrible, horrible, awful are words easily uttered by fallible humans but do not map to reality. They are mythical. They suggest that nothing can be worse than the event faced, that the world has come to an end when in fact the world has not come to an end. Make this critical distinction. Avoid defining a tragic event as the end of the world or the end of your world. Discipline your mind to this important distinction between very bad and awful. Appreciate that there are no “awful” events because things can always be worse and good can be found within bad. With this sensible philosophy towards your burdens and losses you will mourn in a healthy way after the “catastrophic” event and then go on to transcend it no matter how deeply you hurt from the event.
It also is important to note that when we conclude that an event is terrible, horrible, and awful, we tend to think that the event absolutely should not or absolutely must not have occurred. When you step back and think about that idea, it will become apparent that it actually should have happened because it did. It would have been better if the tragic event had not occurred. You may wish it had not occurred, this is true, but in actuality, all the conditions were in place for the bad event to occur. It was a perfect storm of conditions, and the exceptionally bad event occurred. It had to occur. If it absolutely should not have happened something different would have happened in place of it. If the conditions were ever so slightly different it could not have possibly happened. But take note, it did happen. The point here is that very bad or even tragic things happen under some conditions, and when they do REBT is the philosophy that will help you transcend them. You need not minimize their degree of badness or the depth of the tragedy. Bad, very bad all the way through to tragic things happen and are part of our lives or are part of other people’s lives every day. Sadly sometimes, tremendously bad events occur. Regardless of how bad these events are, life goes on, and humans can surmount them.
We are an adaptive species. The pandemic we are experiencing is inconvenient for some of us and tragic for others who have lost loved ones, a business or a job. REBT teaches you how to overcome a grim reality or live as well as possible even when a harsh reality may occur in the future. REBT is a philosophy for transcending the most difficult existential challenges of life. By discipling your mind and refusing to yield to the urge to rate adversity with words like terrible, horrible, and awful, which are false to the facts, you put yourself in a far better mindset to develop unconditional life acceptance. Unconditional life acceptance is a realistic, functional, active form of acceptance about the difficulties of life and is far from resignation. With this form of acceptance, you are aware of the sorrow, concern, disappointment, and healthy anger resulting from an unwanted adverse event or tragedy. However, your healthy emotional reaction does not handicap you. You can function healthily with these negative emotions even when they are very strong. These healthy negative emotions motivate you to change what you can change and allow you to accept what you cannot. You transcend the event and move on. What more could you ask for in a philosophy of life?
Saturday Rational Emotive Behavioral Zoom Conversation hour 9 AM Eastern, 1 PM GMT, 1 PM UTC:
If you enjoyed and profited from this piece, you may also wish to attend my Saturday Zoom Conversation hour. Participation is not required, and you may simply observe my conversation with the volunteer. This Zoom meeting is an opportunity to watch me discuss implementing these philosophical ideas with a volunteer who elects to share a real problem. These Saturday Zoom Conversation hours are free of charge to attend. You can select to volunteer, or you may choose to merely witness the conversation and then submit any questions you have about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Go here to learn how to receive the Zoom Invitation:
https://rebtdoctor.com/rational-emotive-behavioral-weekly-zoom-conversation-hour.html