― Epicurus
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is a philosophically based cognitive behavior therapy that can assist humans facing all sorts of challenges. REBT’s healthy attitudes apply to athletic performance, executive leadership, as well as problems of daily living. The focus of today’s Intermittent Reinforcement email message is to help those who would benefit from assistance in applying REBT to medical illness and the prospect of death.
I often point to people that sooner or later, all of us will have to address medical illness or decline due to aging. Some face medical problems early in life and throughout life. However, the prospects of coping with more severe and challenging medical illnesses will increase as time passes.
It is not uncommon to experience anxiety, anger, or despair after receiving a diagnosis of a severe medical problem or the reoccurrence of a previously addressed cancer. Medical illness in older adults often brings a great deal of uncertainty and inconvenience. Medical appointments and medical treatments are highly inconvenient and disruptive to the routine of our lives. Sometimes we feel tired or sick from the imperfect treatments we receive. In REBT, it is healthy to feel deeply concerned about the diagnosis and the uncertainty a loved one or we may face. It is also beneficial to be annoyed and displeased at the imperfect medical treatments and the fatigue and side effects we may experience. It is also healthy to acknowledge and prepare for death.
REBT teaches people the philosophy of unconditional life acceptance. Unconditional life acceptance rests on flexible and non-extreme attitudes. It is essential to acknowledge that adopting and maintaining flexible and non-extreme attitudes when medically ill is difficult. I believe it is worth the effort to adopt and sustain these attitudes because we will add to our medical burdens without them. It is essential to acknowledge that the attitudes of REBT are philosophical choices that will take time so have realistic expectations. This philosophy is not quickly adopted, and I want to underscore this point. Remind yourself that cultivating unconditional life acceptance is well worth the effort, even if it is tough to do at specific points in life.
Attitudes Facilitating Unconditional Life Acceptance
I wish I were not diagnosed with this severe illness, but sadly I have been. I will strive to avoid demanding that I not have this condition. Rather than dwelling on what (absolutely) should not be happening, I will work on cultivating acceptance for what is happening so that I do not add to my medical burdens.
I wish I could have certainty that the prescribed medical treatment will produce a good outcome, but unfortunately, I cannot have such assurance. I do not (absolutely) need certainty, although that would be very desirable.
It is hard to go through the medical treatment that has been prescribed but not unbearable. I can bear the treatment, side effects, and discomfort associated with the treatment. I will remind myself that although it is not easy, I can bear these burdens. Bearing the treatment and all that goes with it is worth it. I may get disgusted at times and tell myself it is not worth it, but it would be far better if I reminded myself life can still be well worth living even when I feel lousy from the treatment I am receiving.
I can choose anger, anxiety, and despair or annoyance, deep concern, sadness, and hope. Emotions are choices because our stance towards life’s challenges is also a choice. Sometimes it may be hard to choose an attitude of unconditional life acceptance, but I can work with myself. I can remind myself how much better off I am when I accept life as it is rather than demanding that life be easier. My life does not have to be comfortable, easy, and predictable.
Even while receiving medical treatment, I will strive to remain engaged with life. I can still work to have a routine and goals I think about and strive to achieve. If I do not want to anger or depress myself, I will remain creative and keep myself busy and my mind active as I face my medical challenge.
My declining functioning does not prove I am lesser as a person. It proves that I am an imperfect human who has a medical illness that is impacting my functioning and possibly increasing my dependence on other people. I will do as much for myself as possible. Still, I will also gracefully accept help from others without defining myself as lesser of a person due to this dependency on the assistance of others.
Perhaps this is one of the final chapters of my life, but it does not mean I cannot accept what is happening and make the most of life while I am still alive. Death and the process of dying are challenges that are part of life. I can accept death and the process of dying. When it occurs, it has to happen because all the conditions will be “ideal” for the process of dying and then death to occur. As I approach death, I will not look back on my life and down on myself for my mistakes and misdeeds. My shortcomings, regrets, errors, and misdeeds prove I am a fallible human, not a lesser human. I lived the life I lived, and that is that. I will unconditionally accept myself with the successes and failures, the good and the bad things I have done, and the strengths and weaknesses I have displayed. I will also unconditionally accept life and not fear the process of dying.
Life is challenging from the cradle to the grave. We can use the REBT philosophy to face aging and illness as we age. Adopting the flexible and non-extreme attitudes REBT suggests is not easy, but it is well worth the effort. The Stoics, Buddhists, and other ancient philosophers suggested we prepare for death and face it without fear or despair. I have been working on such preparation and believe REBT can help us prepare ourselves to face medical illness and die well. My personal goal is to die with a smile on my face and hopefully retain my sense of humor right up to the end. Keep at it.
Books to further your knowledge in this application:
- How to Cope with Fatal Illness – The Rational Management of Death and Dying by Albert Ellis PhD and Michael Abrams, PhD
- Optimal Aging – Getting Over Getting Older by Albert Ellis, PhD and Emmett Velten, PhD