Loss and facing unfavorable change are an inherent part of the human experience. We all face the possibility of losing jobs, relationships, bodily functions, and even the familiarities of our neighborhoods and cultures, which evolve and change in ways not necessarily to our liking. We even lose treasured items to breakage, theft, and destruction.
Adding To Your Practical Problem
People add to the practical pain caused by having suffered a loss by thinking about it in a subjective, illogical, and self-harming way. For example, a person loses someone they love and thinks, “I lost a relationship of great value.” This thought reports on an observable fact. A person often concludes, “Therefore, I am a loser.” This conclusion is a subjective opinion. It harms you emotionally, resulting in unhealthy negative emotions like depression or shame. It is better to stick to the facts, such as “I lost something of great value which I wish I still possessed.” This attitude will lead to healthy sorrow and sadness that will motivate you to do what you can do to restore your loss, find a suitable alternative, or live happily despite suffering the loss. You may add, “This loss does not make me a loser. It is part of being a human, an imperfect one that at that. I can accept myself despite my loss. I will try to learn from this loss. No loss defines my total self because it is too complex and in a state of change. I will stick to the facts and accept what I cannot change.”
Psychological Health in the Face of Adversity
REBT encourages you to hold a flexible and non-extreme attitude to all the other losses and negative changes that are part of the human experience. From the REBT perspective, emotional health rests on flexible and non-extreme attitudes, which lead to healthy sorrow, sadness, regret, disappointment, and concern. Keep your wishes that losses do not occur, whether in relationships, treasured items, the way things go in society, or with the opportunities of youth. Work daily to strengthen the idea that you wish loss and change were not part of life but, sadly, are. Keep going over the flexible attitude that things do not have to remain as we like them forever. Keep showing yourself that there is clear evidence that things change; they change sometimes, not for the better, and you can choose to accept but not like the inevitable losses of life. Remind yourself that you can choose not to be miserable about anything and not add to your unfavorable circumstances by creating unhealthy negative emotions and demanding that adversity not occur. Life is challenging from birth to death, and flexible and non-extreme attitudes will help you adapt and avoid making life harder to bear.
Daily Practice is Required
REBT is a powerful tool for managing your emotions. It guides you in thinking and experiencing healthy negative emotions when facing adversity. With dedication and practice, you can train your mind to think as REBT suggests. In my experience, the benefits of this discipline are significant and well worth the effort. Keep at it; you’ll be more equipped to navigate life’s challenges.