Attend The Saturday Morning Rational Emotive Behavioral Conversation Hour and Learn How to Help Yourself Using the Self-Helping Philosophy of Dr. Albert Ellis
In working with my patients over the past few weeks as the pandemic drags on, one aspect of the COVID-19 crisis that appears to be challenging to many is the pandemic’s open-ended nature. People report that it would be easier to know precisely when a safe and effective vaccine would be available, and when their life would resume as they once knew it. Furthermore, the anticipation of an uncomfortable financial crisis lurking on the other side of the quarantine period adds a secondary challenge. Many people are making themselves very anxious or depressed. Others are feeling self-pity for the missed engagements that have occurred this summer.
In response, I have decided to hold a weekly Zoom Rational Emotive Behavioral Conversation Hour every Saturday, where a volunteer from the Zoom audience will discuss a real problem. This problem can be associated with the pandemic or independent of it. This Zoom conversation will not be a place where you can receive emergency psychiatric or psychological services. I will not be conducting a psychotherapy session or treating a mental health disorder or illness. My idea is to show people how to help themselves using Dr. Ellis’s Rational Emotive Behavior Theory and philosophy during this challenging period. This meeting will take place every Saturday at 9 AM Eastern Daylight Time. Eastern Daylight Time (EDT) is 4 hours behind Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). The weekly conversation hour’s meeting link, ID, passcode, and other access information can obtained by joining my Intermittent Reinforcement Email list. Once you obtain the link I will use the same link, ID, and passcode every Saturday. To join the list and receive the link, ID, and passcode click here and enter your email address. Attendance is limited to 100 viewers, but the conversation can also be viewed live on my Facebook page. I am holding the Zoom conversation hour on Saturdays at 9 AM EDT because I know my patients in Europe and Asia enjoy learning about Rational Emotive Behavior Theory and this time seems best for people pretty much regardless of the time zone they reside in.
In this email I will preview how to use Rational Emotive Behavior Theory and philosophy to address the open-ended, uncertain course of this pandemic.
Below you will find self-defeating attitudes that will undermine your effort to continue to wear a mask and socially distance, remain hopeful, and practice good hand hygiene. Your emotional goal is to feel displeased, disappointed, sad or sorrowful for whatever inconveniences and losses you have already experienced. Furthermore, it is healthy for you to choose genuine concern, not anxiety, for whatever challenges lie ahead. These are adaptive emotions in so far as they help you acknowledge the present inconvenience or loss you are experiencing and recognize the future difficulty or discomfort you may encounter in the future.
Self-defeating Attitude: “I have to know when things will return to normal.”
Adaptive Attitude: “Does this Attitude help me cope with the ambiguity surrounding the pandemic’s duration? No. What Attitude would help me cope with the uncertainty surrounding the resolution of the pandemic? I want to know when the pandemic will end, but I do not have to know. Coping with this indefinite period requires flexibility. I can live with this uncertainty, no matter how much I may dislike it. I will keep my wish to know but avoid demanding to know when the pandemic will end. Having a wish or a healthy desire to know will enable me not to drive myself unsane while things are unclear.”
Self-defeating Attitude: “I have to know what life will look like after the COVID-19 pandemic.”
Adaptive Attitude: “What is the consequence of holding this Attitude? The result is anxious rumination. I want to know how much pain or inconvenience there will be to face but do not have to know. Upsetting myself now, makes me suffer now. I will accept there will be financial loss, and that is the way it is. It is the case that since the beginning of time, there have been famines, natural disasters, and other calamities to face. People have lived through the World Wars and the Great Depression, so there is no reason to doubt somehow, I can get through the future pain. I will take one day at a time and prepare for the worse with knowledge and confidence I can bear more than I may want to endure. I have no choice but to experience what the future holds, so let me not add to the burden with self-created emotional disturbance.”
Self-defeating Attitude: “I cannot bear the open-ended period of social distancing.”
Adaptive Attitude: “It is uncomfortable to face an indefinite period of social distancing, but it is not unbearable. I can bear the uncertainty of not knowing when day to day life returns to something close to normal if it ever does. It is worth tolerating this uncertainty because there is no alternative. Whether I disturb myself about the open-ended nature of this pandemic and associated social distancing or whether I bear this period of my life well, it will exist. I am stronger than I assume. I commit to experiencing this uncertain period of my life well.”
Self-Defeating Attitude: “I cannot bear wearing a mask. It is too uncomfortable to wear a mask in the summer heat. I cannot bear to continue to wash my hands so much. I cannot take it anymore!”
Adaptive Attitude: “Stop it! You are upsetting yourself about the necessity of wearing a mask, keeping your hands clean, and protecting your health. Wearing a mask is uncomfortable but far from unbearable. You can stand it. Take a deep breath and think about what you are telling yourself. Is it true you cannot bear wearing a mask any longer, or is that an exaggeration? People survive in war-torn countries for years and live through it all. You could have it far worse. You have many of your creature comforts during this pandemic and you would be well advised to acknowledge this. Much of this pandemic is coping with inconvenience, not coping with horror. Yes it is a bit surreal, but it is far from unbearable, awful, terrible, or the end of the world! Acknowledge that you can bear far more than you imagine you can. Whining will make wearing a mask, keeping your hands clean and carrying any other heavy burden associated with this pandemic harder to bear. Discipline your mind to bear what life is throwing at you. You can bear far more than you assume you can.”
Self-defeating Attitude: “This is awful.”
Adaptive Attitude: “This chapter of life is bad, but it is NOT awful. Things could be far worse. Ellis argued that ‘Just about anything you think is awful will feel awful to you. Whatever we strongly think or believe we tend to feel.’ This view makes a good deal of sense. Think back to other very challenging times in your life. At that time, you thought it was so bad that things could not get any worse. You lived through those tough times, and now you face another. You can choose to stubbornly refuse to be brought to your knees by this pandemic. Keep reminding yourself, this is very bad, not awful, and it shall be so.”
Self-defeating Attitude: “Things must go back to the way they were before this pandemic started.”
Adaptive Attitude: “I want things to go back to the way they were before this pandemic started, but they do not have to do so. I will accept that life is constant change, whether I like it or not. I will learn to bend to reality as it evolves and not demand that life be as I want it to be.”
The Bottom-line:
Philosophy matters and a tough-minded philosophy can make all the difference in adapting to this chapter of your life. REBT philosophy cannot prevent discomfort and pain, inconvenience, financial loss, uncertainty, or death, but it can help you retain control of your emotions and your mind when the going gets tough. The attitudes I am putting forth require practice as it is natural to fatigue and start to complain and upset yourself as this pandemic drags out. Keep practicing these attitudes as they will pay dividends and may even help you save your life! REBT is a philosophy of compassion. It is compassionate for you to help yourself in a time of crisis. Do what is difficult. Keep your wishes and wants but realize you can bear what lies ahead. Keep reminding yourself of that.