Consider experimenting with the following. First thing each morning quickly make two lists. Make a “morning” agenda and an “afternoon” agenda. Attempt to place more uncomfortable and dreaded items on the morning agenda. Have your priorities. Consider what is important to you. That is what goes on the list.
Now here is the important part. When you do not stick to your morning and afternoon priorities do not call your avoidance “procrastination”. That perfumes it. Call it what it is, namely “copping out”. I am not advocating self-condemnation but I am advocating responsibility and the value of acknowledging responsibility. Try to see that you are copping out on what is important to you. If a true emergency occurs that is one thing but if you identify priorities and do not do push yourself to do what is in your long term best interest then call that avoidance what it is – copping out. Acknowledge the consequences of your self-defeating behavior. Own your self-defeating behavior and feel the healthy negative emotions of concern and displeasure with your copping out behavior. Do not push the concern and displeasure out of awareness. Think about the consequences of not sticking with your priorities and feel the associated concern.
Finally, it is essential that if you cop out that you do not put your “self” down for doing so. This is blame and self-condemnation. However, it is in your best interest to put the behavior down and put down your decision to cop out. Your “self” is a complex ever evolving entity that defies a single rating. However, your behavior and your decisions to do or not do certain behaviors within the context of your priorities is fair game to be rated. Your allowing yourself to lose focus is also your responsibility and is a bad thing, a counterproductive thing. So if you do not do what is consistent with your priorities then it is bad, perhaps quite bad! You are not bad but your failure to do what is consistent with your priorities is bad and counterproductive. Your behavior is self-defeating but your “self” is not bad.
Rating or damning the “self” when you cop out will lead you to feel shameful, depressed, and angry. These feelings won’t help you at all. If you think clearly and only rate your misbehavior you will feel appropriately and productively annoyed, displeased, and disappointed with your behavior. These negative feelings are good because they are motivating. They will motivate you to change your behavior. When you get in touch with these feelings and then allow yourself to act on these healthy feelings of annoyance, displeasure, disappointment and concern you will change your behavior. Concern is a very, very self-enhancing emotion. It keeps us out of trouble, gets us going, and it leads to the attainment of our personally meaningful goals. Concern helps us develop our potential. Concern is one of my favorite emotions. I suggest you make it one of you favorites and use it to your advantage.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy makes a distinction between healthy, productive negative emotions and unhealthy, unproductive negative emotions. When we rate our behavior as bad, self-defeating, counterproductive we will feel the healthy negative emotions of concern, regret, displeasure, annoyance, sorrow, and remorse. These are productive emotions. When we rate our behavior as bad and counterproductive and ALSO go further and rate our “self” as bad because we have misbehaved we tend to feel unhealthy, counterproductive feelings of shame, anxiety, depression, and embarrassment, anger, despair and guilt. We tend to self-loathe instead of loathing only our behavior or poor effort. Consider this familiar biblical verse to understand and hold onto the point – “Condemn the sin, not the sinner”. After you have only condemned the “sin” use the resulting healthy negative feelings to STOP sinning (i.e. stick to your priorities and stop copping out). Think clearly and carefully about this. Don’t perfume your self-defeating behavior. Call it what it is. Procrastination is copping out when you define it properly. This will help you achieve your potential.