Effective use of REBT requires understanding what Adversities are in REBT, what attitudes are targeted for change at point B in the ABC model, and what constitutes healthy and unhealthy emotional\behavioral consequences at point C.
In last week’s Intermittent Reinforcement email message, I defined the different elements of REBT’s ABC model of emotion. When you are experiencing an unhealthy emotional or behavioral reaction, I strongly urge you to take a piece of paper and write the letters ABC down and unpack your emotional disturbance:
A =?
B =?
C =?
In today’s email, I want to extend the ABC framework of REBT to include three additional letters DEF. The ABCDEF mnemonic of REBT aims to help you remember how to help yourself when disturbing yourself. REBT is self-help-oriented psychotherapy, and learning all the elements of the ABCDEF model will yield maximum therapeutic effect when you attempt to help yourself.
D = Disputing
The letter D represents disputing. Disputing one’s rigid and extreme attitudes is when you stand back and question the attitudes at point B in several ways. It is essential to learn how to “dispute” your rigid and extreme attitudes to transform your self-defeating emotional\behavioral reaction to Adversity into a self-helping emotional\behavioral response. This process aims to help you to 1. see why your rigid and extreme attitudes are unhealthy, 2. formulate flexible and non-extreme alternatives to these rigid and extreme attitudes, and 3. see why your flexible and non-extreme attitudes are healthy. As these three steps show, disputing is a comprehensive process of examination of both your unhealthy and healthy attitudes.
In general rigid and extreme attitudes yield poor results, are false, and are illogical. Using critical questions, you will convince yourself that this is why it would be advantageous to formulate flexible and non-extreme attitudes to replace your current attitudes that underpin your emotional and behavioral disturbance.
When disputing your rigid and extreme attitudes at B, be careful not to switch to disputing your inferences that are elements of the Adversity at A. Doing so is a common error. Inferences are thoughts that go from what is known through observation to what is unknown. These negative inferential thoughts are speculative and may be distorted or accurately reflect the Adversity at A. In REBT, use both types of inferences at A as a stepping stone to identifying your rigid and extreme attitudes. Bear in mind that REBT theory holds that rigid and extreme attitudes at B are responsible for your disturbance at C and distorted inferences at C are insufficient for emotional disturbance. In REBT, we temporarily assume your inferences at A are true. For example, you might infer at A that a significant person in your life does not love and approve of you. This inference alone is not sufficient to cause you emotional disturbance. You disturb yourself when you hold at B the rigid and extreme attitudes 1. I want their love and approval and must have it. 2. I am a lesser person because I do not have their love and approval. You want to remain focused on these rigid and extreme attitudes at B throughout the disputing process. Bring to bear pragmatic (‘Is it helpful?’), empirical (e.g., ‘Is it true?’), and logical (‘Is it sensible?’) questions and arguments while disputing your rigid and extreme attitudes and temporarily assume your negative inferences about Adversity at A is true. By doing so, your disputing will help you to achieve REBT’s tough-minded philosophical solution enabling you to accept what you cannot change.
Exposing Your Attitudes Yield Poor Results
Below is a sample of questions to use disputing to reveal that your rigid and extreme attitudes yield poor results:
1. What are the consequences of believing that you must …?
2. Would you teach your child that they cannot bear facing difficult circumstances if doing so were beneficial?
3. How might you cope better with this Adversity if you rate it as very bad but not awful, terrible, or the end of the world?
4. Will thinking that you are a bad person for acting badly help you to reach your goals?
Exposing Your Attitudes are False
Below is a sample of questions to use disputing to reveal that your rigid and extreme attitudes are false:
1. Is it true that you must…?
2. What evidence is there that you cannot bear…?
3. Is the Adversity you face very bad or awful, terrible, or the end of the world?
4. Just because you acted badly, is that support for the idea that you are a bad person?
Exposing Your Attitudes are Illogical
Below is a sample of questions to use disputing to reveal that your rigid and extreme attitudes are illogical:
1. Is it logical to conclude that just because you want to [do something], therefore you must do it?
2. Does it logically follow that because something is aversive, it is unbearable?
3. Is it logical to conclude this circumstance is awful rather than very bad when in fact, still worse circumstances could occur?
4. Does it logically follow that because you acted badly, the whole of you is bad through and through?
E = Effective New Healthy Attitudes
After carefully considering the answers to the above questions for your particular rigid and extreme attitudes, you must create healthy alternative attitudes. Healthy attitudes at B in the ABC framework have the following characteristics:
a. They are flexible and non-extreme.
b. They largely lead to functional emotive, behavioral, and thinking consequences.
c. They are consistent with reality.
d. They are logical and make sense.
e. They largely help you as you pursue your healthy goals.
f. They largely sustain and improve your productive work and interpersonal relationships.
REBT outlines four major healthy attitudes:
1. Flexibility attitudes acknowledge what you want, but you actively assert that you do not absolutely have to get what you want.
2. Bearability attitudes acknowledge that it is a struggle to put up with not getting your desires met, facing certain difficult circumstances, or the inner tension experienced under aversive conditions. However, you actively assert that you can bear this, recognize that it is well worth bearing and that you are willing to bear the struggle and commit to doing so.
3. Non-awfulizing attitudes acknowledge it is bad when you don’t get what you want, but you actively assert that it isn’t the end of the world, you can transcend not getting it, and good can come from bad.
4. Unconditional acceptance attitudes acknowledge that both you and others are complex, unratable, unique, fallible human beings who are constantly in flux. These attitudes also recognize that life is incredibly rich and complex and can not be given a single fixed, global rating.
D = Disputing (This time, your flexible and non-extreme attitudes)
After you have formulated your healthy new attitudes, it is essential to revisit the process of disputing. This time your questions will aim to reveal how these new attitudes yield good results and are true and logical.
Revealing Your Attitudes Yield Good Results
Below is a sample of questions to use disputing to reveal that your flexible and non-extreme attitudes yield good results:
1. What are the consequences of believing that you want to do…but don’t absolutely have to do it?
2. What impact does thinking you cannot bear the struggle of facing an aversive circumstance have on your ability to face it?
3. How does it help you to function in the face of this Adversity by judging it as bad, very bad, or tragic, but one you can ultimately transcend instead of awful, terrible, or the end of the world?
4. How does thinking that you are not a bad person for acting badly, but a fallible human being, help you to reach your goals?
Revealing Your Attitudes are True
Below is a sample of questions to use disputing to reveal that your flexible and non-extreme attitudes are true:
1. What evidence shows it is true that you want but don’t absolutely have to have…?
2. What evidence is there that it is not unbearable…even though it is difficult for you to do so?
3. What evidence is there that it is bad, not awful, terrible, or the end of the world that…?
4. Can you support the idea that you are a fallible human being who can act in good and bad ways rather than a bad person for acting badly?
Revealing Your Attitudes are Logical
Below is a sample of questions to use disputing to reveal that your flexible and non-extreme attitudes are logical:
1. Is it sensible for you to conclude that you don’t absolutely have to get something even though you want it?
2. Why is it illogical to conclude that even when it is a struggle to tolerate Adversity, it does not make doing so intolerable?
3. Why is it illogical to rate this Adversity as more than 100% bad or awful, terrible, or the end of the world?
4. Why does it logically follow that because you acted badly, therefore you are a fallible human being who can act in good and bad ways?
It is essential for you to keep at the disputing process to learn to do this self-help process effectively. At first, it may be challenging but think through answers to the above questions. The more you dispute your rigid and extreme attitudes, formulate healthy flexible and non-extreme attitudes, then use the same questions against these healthy, flexible, and non-extreme attitudes, you will benefit from REBT. Like any skill, practice makes you better. Soon, you will be able to transform your unhealthy negative emotions into healthy negative emotions when you observe that you have disturbed yourself upon encountering a negative state of affairs, i.e., Adversity.
F = Functional New Behavior
Disputing your rigid and extreme attitudes and formulating new flexible and non-extreme attitudes is not meant to be an intellectual exercise. Disputing is a self-help process to help you experience healthy negative emotions that will motivate you to change what you can. In REBT, healthy negative emotions lead to functional new behaviors (F). Conclude your disputing process by identifying the healthy and functional alternative behaviors which will flow from your healthy negative emotions. For example, when you feel concerned about Adversity, you are more likely to address it rather than denying its existence, withdraw from it, or procrastinate dealing with it. Other functional new behaviors include asserting your thoughts and feelings, taking calculated risks, risking disapproval through the actions you take, asking questions you have that others may think are stupid, persevering in difficult situations, not reacting defensively, and living a life where you strive to enjoy yourself rather than prove yourself. The list of functional new behaviors is lengthy. Suffice it to say that functional new behaviors aim to help you get more of what you want in life and less of what you do not want. With this in mind, dispute often and thoroughly to maximize the benefits you derive from REBT!