Anger is an incredibly self-defeating negative emotion. If you want to not be angry give up the “absolute shoulds, musts, and have to’s” that are at the core of your anger and emotional disturbance. In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) I teach that people do not have to do what is right, good, smart, nice, efficient, etc. People generally do what they want to do not what you think they ”should, ought or must” do. Think about this. Be realistic and see that fallible humans do what they want and not what you want.
Try telling yourself “I want people to do things the way I think they could be done. I want people to do things the way I think it would be good to do them. Sadly, people do not have to do things as I want them to be done. I can assert myself but they may still not do it my way because I am not King (or Queen). Too bad they do not have to do things my way.”
Keep your rational wants, wishes, values and preferences but give up your insistence that people do things as you think they should do them. Remember REBT’s Principle of Emotional Responsibility which states that YOU disturb yourself when people do not do things the way you think they should do them. You anger yourself. Acknowledge the reality that there is no law of the universe that compels your friends, loved ones, colleagues, and neighbors to do what is right, ethical, loving, or good according to your value system. Then assert yourself and ask for what you want while always knowing you may not get what you want. If you do not get others to do things your way that is bad but not awful. You can bear the disappointment and choose not to anger yourself over you inability to persuade other fallible humans to do things as you want them to be done.