3 Steps to Healthy Negative Emotions
To use REBT to change self-defeating emotional and behavioral reactions, learn to identify your rigid and extreme attitudes, question, then change these attitudes towards adversity. Use these questions to correct your thinking and behave more effectively:
1. Is my rigid attitude, my “Must, Absolute Should” helping me function well in the real world and react well to problems or is it hurting me? Specify how it is hurting you, i.e., not helping you function.
2. Where is the evidence that this attitude is true? It may appear true at first but is it a myth that I have too long held? Specify why it is not true.
3. Is this belief logical? Specify why it is not logical.
4. (For Awfulizing only) How bad is this problem on a scale from 0-100% bad or is it closer to awful which means it is more than 100% bad, it should not exist, and that no good could come from it? Specify why this bad event should exist. Specify why this bad event is not more than 100% bad. Specify what good could come from it in the longer term.
5. (For Low Discomfort Tolerance only) Is this problem or situation truly too uncomfortable and unbearable or only very uncomfortable and still literally bearable? If you hold the attitude, it is unbearable specify your evidence for holding this attitude.
6. (For Global Self and Other Rating only) Did I do a bad thing or am I a bad, worthless person? Did I fail or am I a total failure? Specify why you believe your misbehavior diminishes your worth as a person. Specify how a negative characteristic changes your fundamental essence as a human with both flaws and desirable characteristics.
7. What new attitude would help you cope, would be true to the facts of the situation, and logical? This step is important! Specify it as a wish or a want. If you are challenging an extreme attitude, specify it as a non-extreme attitude (e.g., It is bad, not awful, it is uncomfortable, not unbearable, I failed, but that proves I am human and have flaws, not a failure as a human.
Remember the ABC model of REBT. First change (B), your rigid and extreme attitudes to flexible and non-extreme attitudes, which is called the emotional or philosophical solution. Then attempt to change (A) the adversity. This sequence allows you to be the most effective at changing unfavorable things at (A) which you do not like because you now hold attitudes that will lead to effective and motivating emotions and behaviors.