1. I make myself upset. Others only give me the opportunity to make myself upset.
2. Rigid beliefs lead to emotional upset.
3. When I am upset I am more likely to say and do things I later regret.
4. I have the capacity to be more flexible by adopting flexible beliefs.
5. A rigid belief is expressed using words like Must, absolutely should, have to, need to…
6. A flexible belief is expressed using words like want, prefer, desire, wish, and hope for…
7. REBT says keep your values but avoid demanding rigidly that you get what you value if you wish to avoid self-defeating emotional upset.
8. When your values are not fulfilled by loved ones keep your preferences and attempt to persuade the other person to accommodate you or meet you half way.
9. If they do not meet you half way and you remain preferential in your point of view you will feel healthy negative feelings like disappointment, sadness, or annoyance. You feel these because you are not getting what you want.
10. These healthy negative feelings are helpful as they better equip you and motivate you to attempt to change what you can change and to tolerate what you cannot change.
11. If you have healthy negative feelings and strive to calmly negotiate for what you want and do not get what you want you are always free to end the relationship and take your chances with someone else.
12. REBT cautions you not to end relationships too quickly. You are likely to bring self-defeating beliefs to new relationships and after the honeymoon the interpersonal problems start again. Also since there are no perfect people in this world you may very well trade one set of dislikable characteristics in a partner for a different set of dislikable characteristics in a different partner.
13. I can help you objectively evaluate if you have implemented REBT well and have done your best to work you.
14. I can help you to weigh the pros and cons of leaving the relationship.
15. implementing all of these points take work and practice and guidance. Dr. Matweychuk supplies the guidance!