During the Q&A period after a recent REBT demonstration, a young woman asked what therapy she should pursue. I quickly acknowledged my bias in recommending REBT therapy and pointed out the reasons why, in my view, she should seriously consider a REBT psychotherapist.
An Efficient, Sensible, Self-Empowering Approach
REBT helps people learn to help themselves with sensible ideas and strategies. It efficiently gets to the core of most emotional and behavioral problems and shows people how to work at changing what maintains their emotional and behavioral disturbance. It is a strengths-based approach that shows you that, despite your human vulnerabilities, there is something you can do to help yourself. It is psychoeducational, and when you cannot find a REBT therapist or afford one, you can learn REBT on your own by reading REBT self-help books, listening to my educational resources on REBTDoctor.com, and most importantly, attending my weekly free public educational demonstrations on Zoom where you will see over and over how to apply the ABC framework of REBT to understand and then change a variety of disturbed, self-defeating emotional and behavioral disturbances. I acknowledge that overcoming your problems using REBT won’t happen overnight, but it doesn’t have to take months or years before you see some progress if you work at it daily. You can change your basic self-disturbing attitudes, but you need to work at it. Accept that no one can change you, but you can make a regular effort to change yourself. Also, by becoming your own therapist, you will be in a better position to maintain your treatment gains and avoid backsliding into self-defeating emotional and behavioral patterns.
What concerns me is that even after multiple sessions, well-educated people often cannot accurately define the ABC components of REBT’s basic theory of emotional disturbance. It is not that the ideas are so complex. In my view, these individuals often exhibit low frustration tolerance when they fail to take the time to learn these fundamental definitions. The consequence of being unable to explain each element of the ABC framework is being unable to utilize this practical framework effectively and not benefiting from REBT. With this in mind, I will clarify the components of REBT’s ABC framework below.
(A) Adversity: a negative state of affairs. It is a subjective thought you have about something negative that you believe is happening, will happen in the future, or has occurred in the past. It is a distressing hunch. It is your personal view of what is going on in the present, what may happen in the future, and what actually did happen in the past. It is crucial to the self-help process that you identify precisely what it is that you are upset about. By being specific in this regard, you will clearly express the content of your basic attitude at the next stage of the analysis.
Examples of distressing hunches:
He is lying to me. (present hunch)
I will get dismissed from my job tomorrow. (future hunch)
She abandoned me. (past hunch)
(B) Basic Attitude: When you are experiencing an unhealthy negative emotion about a negative state of affairs (see above description), you are likely holding a rigid and/or extreme attitude towards the distressing hunch you are holding. It is essential to identify and express your rigid attitude. It does not matter if the words are (absolutely) should, must, have to, need to, or ought to. What is important is that you identify your demandingness, your dogmatic attitude, the rigid attitude that lies at the core of your disturbance. You will find that you are directing this rigid attitude in some way toward yourself, others, or life conditions in the context of the adversity you stated above.
Examples of the three Basic Attitudes at the core of your unhealthy emotions and self-defeating behavior:
I must not fail. (rigid attitude or demandingness directed at the self)
You must treat me nicely. (rigid attitude or demand directed at others)
Life must be easy. (rigid attitude or demand directed at life)
You may not use the words fail, nicely, or easy. The words you use may be synonyms, but understand that they convey what you want or desire. Your unfulfilled desires are not the problem. It is the escalation of your desires that your own behavior, the behavior of others, or life’s conditions be as you desire them to be into absolutistic demands that lead to your emotional disturbance. At the core of your emotional disturbance and self-defeating behavior lies your rigid attitudes. Regardless of the words you choose to express your absolutistic attitudes, it is this absolutism that leads to your disturbance.
Three Derivatives Attitudes Stemming from Rigid Basic Attitudes
It is optional, but recommended that you attempt to express one extreme attitude that follows from your rigid attitude. REBT theory suggests you consider one of the following possibilities:
Awfulizing: An extreme rating of how bad something is, which is beyond 100% bad and implies no good can come from bad.
Example: If I get dismissed from my job tomorrow, as I must not be, it would be awful, terrible, and the end of the world.
An Attitude of Unbearability towards an Adversity or an Internal State: An extreme rating that either an external circumstance or your internal state is a condition that you believe you are unable to withstand, as opposed to something that would be challenging, but bearable.
Example of a particular negative state of affairs: She has abandoned me, as she must not. I cannot go on without her. Life will be unbearable.
Example of an internal state: When I have too little sleep, it is uncomfortable for me to get through the day, and I feel bad internally, as I must not feel. I cannot bear how I feel when I get insufficient sleep.
An Attitude of Devaluation of self, others, or of life: An extreme rating devaluing yourself, others, or life for having done or possessing a bad part.
Example of devaluation of self: I will get dismissed tomorrow, as I must not be. My dismissal indicates that I am not only ineffective in my role as an employee, but it also suggests that I am a lesser person than I would be had I performed better in my role and been deemed worthy by management of being retained or promoted.
Example of devaluation of another person: He must not lie to me. His lying shows he is a bad person.
Example of devaluation of life: Life is not fair, and therefore, it is not as easy as it must be. Life is entirely bad because of the bad parts of life.
(C) Consequences: The unhealthy feelings, self-defeating behaviors, and biased, ruminative thinking that result from your rigid and extreme attitudes interacting with the adversity mentioned above.
Examples:
Emotional Disturbance
Dysfunctional, Unhealthy Negative Emotions are:
Anxiety, Depression, Guilt,
Non-Disturbed Emotions
Functional, Healthy Negative Emotions are:
Concern, Sadness, Remorse,
Conclusion
These Intermittent Reinforcement emails aim to help you enhance your understanding of the core ideas and strategies of this empowering approach to emotional and behavioral well-being. They aim to nudge you to think about REBT as you go about your day and to use it. Study my emails and use the ABC framework when you find yourself experiencing emotional disturbance or self-defeating behavior. Save these emails. Share and discuss them with others who are interested in learning how to enhance their emotional well-being. In teaching REBT to others, you will also gain a deeper understanding of the principles of REBT. Avoid being a REBT bully and demanding that others listen and agree with your sharing of these valuable ideas. Demanding that others buy into REBT contradicts the unconditional acceptance of others that REBT teaches. Remember the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, who would have likely endorsed REBT and whose teachings, as found in Poor Richard’s Almanac, are consistent with the philosophy of REBT. Benjamin Franklin said, “A good example is the best sermon.” Don’t just teach REBT; implement it and regularly demonstrate to your family, friends, and business associates that you can control your emotional and behavioral destiny.