| In developing REBT, Albert Ellis drew heavily on the discipline of General Semantics. In General Semantics, there is a recommendation that people do what is called “dating.” When we date, we link our conclusions about what has occurred to the date it happened to avoid overgeneralizing and stay in sync with the current facts. For example, examine the two attitudes. The first one is self-defeating, and the second is self-helping:
I failed, and I am a failure. I will always fail. (Undated attitude, static conclusion, categorical reasoning) I failed today (10.29.25 at 8:11 AM Eastern), but no one knows what will happen in the future. Life is a process; the other people I deal with are a process; and I am a process. Things change. I may fail again, but that is not certain. Learn from the experience and look for an opportunity to try again. (Dated attitude, tentative conclusion, noncategorical reasoning about the person.) The second attitude acknowledges a failure and leads to disappointment —a healthy negative emotion from the REBT point of view. It acknowledges the failure that occurred, but also recognizes that we live in a world where change is the only constant, and that conditions, ourselves, and others change. Therefore, we live in a world where certainty cannot be found. This attitude opens the door to the healthy habit of “checking the facts” regarding future attempts, as some may succeed and others fail. This attitude breeds hope, while the former attitude, “I failed, and I am a failure. I will always fail,” breeds hopelessness, closes us off to learning and trying again. We seal our fate with this static, undated, categorical way of thinking. Make A Habit of Dating Your Successes and FailuresIf you wish to do better in life — maximize pleasure, minimize pain — you preferably should think realistically and learn to date your successes and failures. You may have succeeded today, but don’t rest on your laurels; things change, and you may fail tomorrow. Continue practicing your skills and learning from your performance to increase your chances of succeeding again tomorrow. Similarly, you may have failed today, but don’t despair; through dating, you can feel healthy feelings of sadness and disappointment. Acknowledge what did not produce good results today, formulate what may work based on this experience, and try again in the future. You change, others change, life changes. Discipline your mind to date. |