Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) teaches people to reason in a healthy way. When people hold flexible attitudes towards their goals and values, they avoid unhealthy emotional reactions. They suffer less and relate to others more effectively. REBT trains you to think in a self-helping way that maximizes your chances of getting along well with others and thereby getting more of what you want from them.
REBT theorizes that people take their healthy desires and turn them into rigid attitudes; we sometimes refer to this process as demandingness.
Rigid attitudes about needing love and approval set us up to exaggerate how bad rejection is and to interpret situations as rejection even when none exists. These attitudes drive us toward extreme and often inaccurate conclusions about reality. Consider this example:
A rigid attitude: I must be accepted by significant others, in this case, John.
An extreme derivative attitude stemming from a rigid attitude: It is the end of the world if John rejects me.
A biased conclusion, which may or may not be true regarding what is going on: His failure to respond to my text means he does not want to be friends with me.
Now, examine the alternative to rigid attitudes, flexible attitudes:
A flexible attitude: I want to be accepted by significant others, in this case, John, but sadly, I will not always be accepted by these individuals. I do not need to be accepted by those I care for.
A nonextreme attitude: It is unfortunate, but it’s not the end of the world if John rejects me. I will not exaggerate the significance of his refusal to accept me.
A fair and balanced, realistic hunch as to what is going on: His failure to respond to my text does not necessarily mean he does not want to be friends with me. There could be various reasons for the lack of response, and I will have to wait and see.
I recommend you study REBT if you experience emotional problems in response to your interpersonal dealings with other people. It is a well-constructed system of training your mind so that you suffer less and enjoy more. Humans easily think in crooked, rigid, illogical ways that lead to emotional disturbance and interpersonal conflict. REBT is a sensible approach that will bring out the best in you, helping you enjoy others and build stronger connections. It takes some practice to discipline your mind not to hold rigid attitudes that lie at the base of your emotional disturbances and vulnerabilities. Many, many people have profited from REBT by regularly studying it. A good way to do this is to watch my weekly Saturday Zoom demonstrations, where I show people how to apply this powerful system of ideas to numerous problems. By regularly observing these conversations, you will be better able to spot your own rigid attitudes and practice self-therapy, leading to a happier, more meaningful life.