I use Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in my own life. Albert Ellis, the originator of REBT, taught that the best practitioners of REBT are those who effectively implement it in their own lives. His advice makes sense. Using it in my own life both improves the quality of my emotional life and helps me when teaching it to others.
We Come to Adversity with Implicit Attitudes
In REBT, we teach that we hold philosophical attitudes and that we talk to ourselves in line with them when we encounter adversity. The quality of this self-talk profoundly impacts our emotional lives. One thought I often say to myself is “First change B, then change A.” This private self-talk helps me remember the most effective way to respond to the adversities I encounter.
This brief statement is helpful because, according to REBT theory, we easily disturb ourselves when we encounter a negative state of affairs, which REBT calls an adversity. We instinctively attempt to alter external conditions to alleviate emotional disturbance, which, because we are in a disturbed emotional state, increases the likelihood of self-defeating responses. Our efforts to improve our predicament may make matters worse. While in a state of disturbance, we are likely to be heavy-handed in our efforts, make poor judgments, engage in less creative problem-solving, or give up too easily after a forceful initial attempt to remedy the problem we face.
A second reason this way of responding is imprudent is that, in many of life’s adversities, eliminating them is not something we can necessarily do quickly, easily, or ideally. If we limit our self-help efforts to modifying the external circumstances we face, we suffer emotionally until we achieve our aims. We will be miserable unless and until we can make things be as we want them to be.
The Principle of Emotional Responsibility
A tenet of REBT is known as the Principle of Emotional Responsibility. This principle states that adversity does not directly cause our emotional disturbance. Instead, we are responsible for disturbing ourselves when we encounter adversity. When confronted with adversity, we unwittingly take our wishes and desires for life to be a certain way and transform or escalate them into rigidly held attitudes or demands. According to REBT theory, this escalation process is the mechanism of emotional disturbance.
We construct our emotional experiences and are often unaware of how we demand that the adversity we encounter not exist. Demanding that adversity not exist largely determines our emotional disturbance. When we disturb ourselves, we do not accept reality as it currently is. We are overlooking the fact that all the conditions exist for the dispreferred circumstance we find ourselves in to exist. When we do what is prescribed by REBT theory, which can admittedly be challenging to do and stick to our wishes and desires for life to be a certain way as we encounter adversity, we experience healthy, motivating negative emotions that allow us, with poise, to respond constructively to the negative state of affairs. In so doing, we accept reality as we encounter it, and we are at our best as we attempt to change the negative state of affairs that runs counter to our goals and values.
The ABC Framework
In REBT, we teach the ABC framework for analyzing our emotional disturbance. In this framework, we assign the letter A to adversity, defined as a negative state of affairs. The letter B denotes our Basic Attitude toward adversity, and the letter C represents the emotional consequences of that attitude. Using these letters, we can now remind ourselves first to change our basic attitude, B, toward adversity, before attempting to address it, A, to respond optimally.
Socrates said, “He who would change the world should first change himself.” Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher and emancipated slave, taught that “People are disturbed not by events, but by their views of them.” My private coping self-statement incorporates both of these maxims. When we discipline ourselves to respond to adversity by first changing B, our Basic Attitude, before attempting to change A, Adversity, we are implementing Socrates’ dictum. When we refuse to escalate our wishes into demands, we are implementing Epictetus’s proverb and focusing on the attitude we construct and apply to the adversive event we have encountered.
Albert Ellis used to say, “Keep your wishes and wants, but give up those demands.” I prefer to remind myself, “First change B, then change A.” Whether you quote Socrates, Epictetus, Ellis, or me to yourself, I encourage you to discipline yourself to begin by working from the inside out when you encounter adversity. First, face the reality you are experiencing with a flexible attitude and avoid the temptation to escalate your wish into a demand. Then, as a close second step, modify external conditions to align with your goals and values. By taking this counterintuitive approach, you are most likely to display optimal emotional functioning as you strive to meet the adversity you face.