1. Is my emotional and behavioral reaction to this adversity unhealthy\self-defeating or healthy\self-helping?
2. If it is unhealthy ask - What is the rigid attitude or extreme attitude that is leading me to disturb myself about this adversity?
- Also ask:
- Am I putting a must or a must not on myself, another person, or on life conditions?
- Is this adversity awful or the end of the world OR a great inconvenience?
- Is this adversity really unbearable OR difficult but bearable?
- Where is it written that people "should" do what is right, nice, etc.? (Hint: Recall that you live on planet earth with fallible humans not planet Utopia with super-humans.)
3. Then ask - What flexible or non-extreme attitude could I hold that would help me react to this adversity in a healthy way?
4. Remind yourself to hold fast to your wishes, wants, desires and preferences but let go of your absolute musts, shoulds, have to's. (Hint: Hold onto realistic attitudes not idealistic attitudes of how things "should be")
5. Take responsibility for your emotional upset. Own it. You are better off being the master of your emotions instead of putting your emotions in other people's hands. Who wants to be a puppet?