Psychologist Walter J. Matweychuk, Ph.D.
  • Home & Video
  • About Dr. Matweychuk
  • Mission
  • My Books
  • Video - Introduction to REBT
  • Homework - Please read
  • Video - Anger Management
  • REBT Email Messages
  • Ask Dr. Matweychuk Column
  • Featured Interviews - Dr. Matweychuk
  • Audio 1 - Listen, Learn, Practice
  • Audio 2 - Listen, Learn, Practice
  • Audio 3 - Dr. Ellis's Audios & Lectures
  • Albert Ellis Quotes
  • Audio 4 - Guided Relaxtion Practice
  • Stoicism & REBT - Video of Lecture by Dr. Matweychuk
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Why I Practice REBT - Video
  • My Philosophy
  • REBT's Definiton of Emotional Health
  • Ideas To Help You Function Well
  • Why Choose REBT?
  • Why College Students Benefit From Learning REBT
  • Why You May Dislike REBT
  • Blog: Self-Help Posts on REBT
  • Duration of Consultation & Goals
  • Services & Fees
  • Contact Information
  • Books on REBT
  • Counseling for College Students
  • Treatment of Low Self-Discipline
  • Treatment of Anger & Rage
  • Treatment of Anxiety
  • Treatment of Depression
  • Treatment of Envy
  • Couples Counseling
  • For Professionals
  • Lectures for Professionals
  • Research on REBT
  • Disclaimer & Crisis Information

Control What You Can Control

10/23/2017

0 Comments

 
Steps to take to help you favorably control your emotions in nearly any situation:

1. Ask what is within my control in facing this adversity or problem and what is outside of my control?

2. Focus on what is under your control. In Stoicism, this is called the Dichotomy of Control.

3. Recognize that your attitude towards an adversity is always a choice. 
Your chosen attitude largely is responsible for your emotional reaction, both healthy self-helping reactions and unhealthy self-defeating emotional reactions. In REBT this is called the Principle of Emotional Responsibility.

4. Then look for how you are angering yourself, depressing yourself, frightening yourself. 
Ask how am I angering, depressing or frightening myself?

5. Look for rigid attitudes that lie at the core of your self-created emotional disturbance. Look for:
  • I absolutely must do well, very well, perfectly well in response to this challenge or adversity.
 
  • You absolutely must treat me well, very well or exactly as I want you to treat me.
 
  • Life conditions absolutely must be easy, unfrustrating, predictable, enjoyable and exactly as I want them to be.
6. Transform your rigid absolute musts that are creating your disturbance and transform them into healthy and strong wants, wishes and preferences. This will set you free to change what you can change and live well with that which is beyond your domain of influence and cannot be changed. Try to customize one of these flexible attitudes to your situation to help you:
​
  • I do not absolutely have to do well, very well, perfectly well in response to this challenge or adversity. I strongly want to do well but I do not absolutely have to do so.
 
  • You do not absolutely have to treat me well, very well or exactly as I want you to treat me. I very much  want you to treat me well but you do not absolutely have to do so.
 
  • Life conditions do not have to be easy, unfrustrating, predictable, enjoyable and exactly as I want them to be. I really want life to be as I would ideally prefer it to be but it does not absolutely have to be so.


7. Commit to completely focusing on what is under your control and remaining responsible for the attitudes you hold and the emotional reactions you create in response to challenges and adversity.

Summary: When facing adversity identify what is under your control and focus all your effort on what is under your control. Your attitudes and your behavior are largely yours to control if you use REBT and Stoicism as I have shown above. Philosophical and emotional change takes practice but you can improve if you work at it.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013

    RSS Feed

Web Hosting by iPage
✕