1. anxiety (vs. healthy concern)
2. depression (vs. healthy sadness, sorrow)
3. shame (vs. healthy disappointment)
4. guilt (vs. healthy remorse)
5. unhealthy anger (vs. annoyance, healthy anger)
6. unhealthy envy (vs. healthy envy)
7. unhealthy jealousy (vs. healthy jealousy)
8. hurt (vs. sorrow)
These unhealthy feelings lead us to do self-defeating behavior that may feel good in the short run but usually undermines our long term goals.
Look for your rigid beliefs which are typically expressed with words like must, absolutely should, need to, have to, and ought to.
Develop healthy beliefs like these:
1. I want to perform well but I do not have to perform well.
2. I prefer you to treat me as I wish but you do not have to do so.
3. I always want the conditions of life to be favorable but sadly they do not have to be so.
Always strive to get what you value, what you want, what you prefer but see that demandingness (i.e. rigidity) about trying to get what you value is at the core of your emotional disturbance. Also see that when you hold demands you are likely to think in terms of extreme beliefs like:
1. It is awful...
2. I can't bear this discomfort...
3. Depreciation of self, others, or life.
You could choose non-extreme beliefs like these:
1. It is bad but not awful.
2. It is a struggle to bear this present discomfort but it is not unbearable and it is worth bearing in order to accomplish my longer term goals.
3. I may possess a negative characteristic but I am not subhuman or less worthwhile because of this and I can accept myself despite it.
4. You may possess a negative characteristic but you are not subhuman or less worthwhile because of this and I can accept you but not like the characteristic.
5. Life may have bad moments or times but the whole of life is not bad as life is a complex and strange mix of good, neutral, and bad moments and times.
Fallible humans can liberate themselves from emotional suffering and REBT points the way. However, you do need to work and practice at your REBT. What are you waiting for? Why needlessly upset yourself? Be sure to keep after yourself and listen to the audio presentations on my website. I want you to feel better and get better using the philosophy of REBT!